Starhold Vesta

Chapter 4

My stomach was already in knots by breakfast, so it's as taut as the center of a black hole by the time we board the drop ship taking us Portside to the Vesta. I can barely hold myself upright. Each step is heavy, like the gravity of that black hole is sucking everything toward my gut.

But while my body is dealing with my proximity to the least favorite moments of the past, my mind is occupied with the fork in the road. I could stay and endure a tortuous reunion I never wanted with my supportive partner smiling at my side, or I could blast off to meet my sometimes dead sister on some dot in a cluster of asteroids to hear a mysterious message and be on the frigid end of Nuna's cold shoulder for the rest of my life.

"I am here," Nuna says. She reaches behind, her fingers brushing mine. I stare into the crisp collar of her neck and the sweep of her box braids over her shoulder. Little curls trail down her neck and I want to bury my face in them. I want to tell her everything.

"I know," I say instead, closing my eyes and wondering why the fuck I can't just open my mouth and say it. There's a chance I can find them. There's a way I can solve a lot of problems and maybe even start some new ones if I can slip away for a little while.

The hatch falls open, creating a walkway from our safe space on the official HMS Valediction drop ship to the nightmare beyond. I stare ahead, reminding myself that this was part of my life not too long ago—that every day was a little bit of this in the URE. Whether it was riding the jeeps as they wended up the winding tunnels until they released us to the Topside, or riding the busted elevator to get to the Human Hope Project's nefarious labs, I've dealt with worse.

Breathe.

Hux's hand squirms into mine. I squeeze it. He squeezes back. Here we go.

A line of familiar faces welcomes us as we disembark. From our elevated stance, I can see them all.

And they're smiling. At me.

The knot rushes out as I approach. Their joy grows wider and brighter. Orra Coodi, or a mellowed version of herself, greets my approach with the same attentiveness as our URE days. Francis Umpire and Gordie Love salute as I stumble down the ramp toward them. I respond with a half-hearted gesture. My hand is so heavy because suddenly, my heart is so full.

I missed them. Fuck pretenses. I laugh as Umpire swoops down and picks me up in his enormous arms, swinging me around. Love pats my back as I'm dropped, and Coodi throws herself on me, wrapping me in her arms. Behind her, Kai Kamalani approaches.

The contrast between the grim gaze of the man before me with the jovial one I knew in the URE makes it seem like they're two different people. He extends his hand to shake mine, cold and unwelcoming as if I'm tank scum coming to introduce myself to a god.

I take his hand and smile anyway. If only one gives me the frigid reception I deserve, at least it's just him. Oh well. "Commander," I acknowledge.

Knuckles steps up next. We don't need words. Together, we open our arms to each other and fall into a long-overdue embrace.

"It's good to see your ugly mug in person," I say.

"You stole the words from my mouth."

He's thinner in my arms. Love and Umpire have done just fine with the surplus on the Vesta, but I can see the soft aging post-battle around their eyes. They've all grown and changed, but so have I.

"Boss, what have you done to yourself?" Umpire pinches and lifts the tail of my braid to point at my reprimands.

I turn my head so they can get a better view. "Moon's been a bad influence."