The First of Many

Waking World

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You nervously fidgeted under Johanna's stern stare. It was becoming apparent that she wasn't going to allow you to brush this whole thing under the rug. You looked around to buy yourself some time and delay her inevitable questioning. The early morning sun shone through the window, the sky outside alight in cotton candy pinks and blues. The dream had felt so short, only a matter of minutes, but apparently, you'd slept through the night. You were still groggy, prematurely pulled from sleep, but tried to drag yourself out of the haze.

"You're not telling me the whole truth, are you?" Johanna pursed her lips, but then her expression softened and she placed a hand on your knee. "I'm just trying to look out for you, love. You don't have to tell me anything. Dreams can mirror and shape our reality, for better or for worse."

You frowned, not ready to share much more. "I get that. I'm lucky to have you looking out for me," you said. "You always have since I met you."

Her face fell and the tightly controlled and cheery exterior she usually displayed faltered. She suddenly looked so tired , not in the way you expected from a sleepless night of research and reading with her nose buried in a dusty old book, but from a deep emotion that burdened her spirit. Her brown eyes brimmed with moisture, dampening her lashes.

"You okay?" you asked, placing your hand over hers.

"Yeah. Well, I've been better actually, but I'll be alright. I lost someone recently."

"Oh, Johanna." You leaned forward to hug her, wrapping your arms around her shoulders, wisps of her brown hair brushing your cheek. "I'm so sorry."

She sniffled in your grasp, you could tell she was holding back tears. "It's fine, really. I was able to say goodbye, at least. Just wish I had been there for her more. We used to be really close. I dunno, she might have been someone I could have built a life with, but..." Her shoulders shrugged. "You know. I have a habit of disappearing from time to time."

You patted her back and leaned away from her, observing the sad smile on her lips. Johanna's job pulled her in many directions, making it almost impossible to settle down or stay in one place for too long. You learned long ago that she would always be there for you, even if her physical presence in your life was sporadic. That worked for your friendship, but for some, especially in a relationship, it was a less-than-ideal arrangement.

You cleared your throat. "I'm sure she was happy to see you when she did. You were there when she really needed you, right?"

"I suppose." Johanna hastily swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, smudging the dark remnants of the eyeliner she had slept in from the night before. "I'm still in a bit of shock from it all. I hadn't seen her in months and when I did...she had lost herself in her dreams, so much so that she neglected herself completely. I just...don't want the same to happen to you."

You bit your lip. What did that mean? It was too early in the morning to begin to process this, but you appreciated her concern. "I don't think it'll come to that, but I'll take good care of myself. Promise. And I hope you know that I'm here for you too if you need me."

Johanna nodded but was quiet, her gaze far away as if remembering something or someone — maybe the moments and woman she had just alluded to.

You stood with a hand on your hip. "Now, can I make some coffee here or are you going to throw me out on the streets uncaffeinated to go fend for myself?" you said, trying to shift the subject and pull her from her brooding.

She smiled, a small but genuine one, breaking the mask of her seriousness. "I'll make you a cup. C'mon." Johanna headed towards the kitchen and pushed aside a haphazard stack of paper to make room for you. Soon, a steaming ceramic mug was thrust into your hands.