Dying for thin

Hope

This boy's eyes are so mesmerizing. They made me forget the world around me. I couldn't think straight.
"Woah... I'm sorry." I apologize awkwardly.
"Oh, don't worry about it, beautiful." The boy says with a smile.
Did he just...?
"I don't even know you, and you're calling me beautiful?"
"What can I say? I know a beautiful person when I see one. I'm Jake by the way."
"Thanks." I blushed. "I'm Brynn."
"Well, I'll see you around, Brynn."
"Hopefully, bye!"

I go home, take a hot shower and go to bed. As I lay in bed, I find myself thinking of only one thing, Jake's amazing blue eyes. How could he think that I'm beautiful? No one's ever called me that before.

It's always night. Late nights to be exact when I feel the worst. I tend to psych myself out on things and that's exactly what I was doing right now.

I thought to myself that there is absolutely no way in hell that anyone could think that of me. Maybe Jake just wanted something from me. Revenge on an ex? Maybe it's a dare? Or maybe he's just desperate... No matter what his motive was, I know that what he said wasn't true. If I hate myself how could anyone like me? I'm fat, ugly and perfectly useless.

I reach my hands down and touch my right hip. The word fat was carefully carved into my skin with a razor blade. The scar is what remains of a bad day from about a year ago. I pull out my blades and carefully reach down to my left hip. I slowly carve the word "ugly" into my skin. The blades brought an immense amount of pain to me but it was still significantly less than the emotional pain that never left.

I pull out a large body sized mirror and turn on my light. I look down to see what I've done to myself. The amount of self hatred that it takes to do such a thing is ridiculous but I obviously have enough. I put the mirror away and turn off my light. I soon after lay in bed still thinking of how worthless I am and cry myself to sleep... I hope I never wake up.