By: Matt Murdock with Foggy Nelson's help. (Don't worry, Peter's legal)
1) Do not mention his parents
•If you do, it's on you to tend to your own wounds as he tends to be violent when his parents are mentioned
2) Do not mention 'Captain America's PSAs' in front of him
•If you do, you are responsible for further charges of assault
3) When he hugs you, do not pull back
•If you do, you are evil and he will cry. Nobody wants Peter Parker to cry
4) Say good morning and good night to him every day
•If you don't, he will forget your existence for the whole day
5) If he says that he 'had a long day', prepare 9 bags of family-sized snacks with PB&J and chocolate milk
•If you fail to do so, you will be hugged. Offer pats on the back.
6) He is a very romantic person, accept any flower he gives to you
•The flowers are handpicked from the freshest of your favorite
7) If he offers you chocolate and warm milk, he knows you have a bad day and must rest, even if you don't feel tired. He knows
•No one knows how he knows that
8) If he feels tired, bring him to bed and cuddle him
•If failed to do so, you will be carried and forced to cuddle with him
9) Give him a kiss on the cheek at least once per day
•He will show you more affection than you gave him, which is surely unfair
10) He is loyal and will hit anyone for you
•Seriously, he will beat up someone for you
11) He is oblivious as fuck and will need help
•He is unable to pick up any pick-up lines but mysteriously knows who is hitting on you
12) Do not trust his innocent behavior, he is a kinky bastard
•Do I need to explain?
13) Ask him if he has injuries, he will hide injuries from you
•Last time he fainted from blood loss
14) If he offers you tea with buttered toast, he broke something minor
•Example: your bookmark that can clearly be replaced
15) If someone pisses you off, leave it. Peter will Sherlock them off.
•Don't ask
16) He is touch-starved 24/7 and will need cuddling every second he gets
•He will sometimes be kiss-starved as well
17) He has nervous habits
•He will: ramble when nervous, make bad jokes when afraid, bounce his foot when impatient and so on
18) He will give you legit anything you ask for
•Last time I asked for a tracker for my phone and he actually made it
19) Always shower him in kisses
•Read (16)
20) Try to love him more than he loves you
•Which is clearly impossible but try your best anyway
In conclusion,
No, you can't date Peter Parker. He is mine.
Sincerely,
Matt Murdock.
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Peter Parker Oneshots
FanficI tried to resist the urge but my bin of ideas got better. It works better for my account saying that I need to dump my thoughts before I'm able to write more. The explanation is just in the title Marvel is not mine, the art is not mine, prob that s...
