SEA, SWALLOW ME.

[2] DREAM, IVORY.

Just saying there is a soundtrack this chapter! Please listen to Dream, Ivory while reading. Later on there is another song, feel free to listen to whatever you think fits the mood though.

TW: Implied sh
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Night, I think.

Warped perception of time, colorful foggy rains of emotion, the lights of city buildings, and the voices of human life. All were seen and heard from a lookout atop Yokohama, a lookout where Dazai could touch and speak with the stars and constellations, though now they hid from his agony behind dark rain clouds. Waiting for the ways the skies turn blue, dark blue. Waiting for the sky to return to him. Dazai liked the mysterious cloak of night.

The rain was nice also, he heard cars and horns of annoyance and traffic, he heard talking, and he saw street performers and humans walking into restaurants and businesses. Dazai sat on the roof for many moons, or maybe just minutes. It was hard to tell time here, it felt like an endless loop of his pain, but in a calming way. The night cradled and embraced him warmly, he was so used to night herself being cold, it felt different. It felt nice and comforting, but almost too comforting. Dazai stood up as his knees began to subtly buckle, rainwater pounding on his head. 

There was no recollection of how he got here, or where in Yokohama he was. Dazai didn't care though, just hours before he was drinking until he forgot who he was, so maybe that's why he doesn't remember. He looked over the edge, to see cars racing and people scrambling. It was interesting, he got to see the daily lives of people from such a high place like he was some deity. Who was Dazai kidding? God would never forgive a disgusting fake like him.

Towards the distance at the end of the road where he could no longer see past, Dazai saw the cars and people turn into colorful mist. Perhaps he was still intoxicated. It was common for people to hallucinate whilst intoxicated. The stars pitied Dazai as he walked closer to the edge, stumbling on the roof.

He turned around, looking into the distance. He had made up his mind. Dazai loathed himself, he loathed this meaningless life. He pondered, thinking about his memories. When he finished he took a step back, feeling calm. Another step. Dazai felt happy, and content for the first time in his life.

One last step, and he slipped himself over.

Wind bashed into his head, Dazai's hair whipping everywhere. He was falling. He was going to die, finally. Honking horns and the loud chatter of people started to creep closer until it was like they were whispering into his ear. People were gasping as they saw him move closer, Dazai heard screams that ripped his eardrums apart. He smiled.

Suddenly the city noises stopped, and he was laying on his back in an empty room bedroom. Dazai sat up, his eyes widened in horror as he looked around. Why was he here? Why was he in his old house? He got up, his entire body shaking.

"What the fuck..." he muttered to himself, he was stunned. This was the apartment he used to share with Chuuya when they both worked for the port mafia. Bad memories started to flood in when suddenly he realized he was crying. He opened the door hesitantly, leading to the hallway. Dazai was trying to ground himself as he walked to the bathroom door, if he remembered correctly there were bloodstains in the bathtub Chuuya never got out. When he stepped in, the tub had no stains.

"Dont... wake... up"

Dazai whipped his head around, but nothing was behind him. When he turned around again suddenly he was no longer in the bathroom, but instead the empty streets of Yokohama. He felt uneasy, it was like the signs and windows were staring at him. Dazai walked, his body felt like static, and he was confused. Why was this happening to him?