A Plagued Winter

Chapter 7

How could I truly say I knew the place I've grown up in? I always thought it was a sure thing. Except, since I've moved here,... I've noticed things I haven't before. Things that had remained unbeknownst to me until now. And I think what I fear the most, ... is what I may continue to find the longer I am here.

Andre

I know I said I wasn't going to try and make friends. I have kept true to that. I wasn't trying at all... but Carlee still managed to find a way to dislodge all my reasoning. The first day we met, I swear I tried my absolute hardest to ignore her and even yesterday I tried to come off as rude but she either didn't get the hint or didn't care for it. And I couldn't tell if I wanted for her to get my hints or to keep attempting to pull me out of my shell. I sighed and pushed my lunch tray into the trash can in frustration.

"You know.. he isn't a bad match for you... it's just.. Clarissa, you can do so much better. I heard that Jeremiah admitted he liked you. Wouldn't you rather jump on that train?"

My ears caught a whiff of a conversation two girls were having as they walked past me.   ...I know that voice...

Slowly, I lifted my head and peeked out from underneath my hood. There she was, Carlee and some taller light-skinned girl with glasses, waiting in line to grab their lunch trays.

"Carlee, I think you should be more worried about your pick in boys. Gabbie and Journey always come to you with suggestions and you always say you'll think about it but you never do. Would it be so horrible to give dating another try?"

The taller girl, the one I guessed was named Clarissa, spoke up in a just barely audible tone.

Carlee sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead as if it was a common thing for her to get asked this question and she was tired of answering.

"I'm just not interested in anyone here. I'll find my guy, don't worry about me." 

She shrugged with a hesitant smile that might've fooled Clarissa but even from this distance, I knew she was hiding something behind it.    ...But what?

"You know he's not coming back, right? I know you hate talking about him but you have to face-"

"Clarissa," Her voice transitioned into a sharply refined knife, cutting off the girl's sentence thoroughly. "I really appreciate your concern but I'm over it already. Can we please just not talk about it?"

 Deep down in the pit of my chest, I felt strange at hearing her speak in such a strangled manner but I couldn't pinpoint the reason why. 

...Who were they talking about?..

The two girls said nothing after that and grabbed their lunch trays, I watched them walk back to their lunch table to join other students.

I eyed her for a little while longer out of curiosity. Carlee mostly stared down at her lunch tray while the others around her carried on the conversation. Every now and then she'd look up and open her mouth to speak and when she did, I caught onto her expressions. In some way, her reactions appeared almost forced and insincere. As if Carlee couldn't truly feel the smiles she showed and she couldn't quite match the laughs she coughed up. Something behind her eyes seemed to want to crawl their way out of her and nobody around her took notice.

...Why was I the only one who could see?..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I was the first student to enter the photography room. It was probably because I dipped after lunch and only just came back through the exit that was closest to my last class of the day. I tried not to think of my reason for coming back to school just to spend about 45 minutes before leaving again. Admittedly, I didn't like acting on anything without a basis. Still, I couldn't find any motive of mine for the life of me and I ended up convincing myself to make the trip from 7-eleven back to school regardless. So, whatever it was that drew me in had to have been worth it.