A Plagued Winter

Chapter 8

Against myself, I can find it within me, to want to try.

Andre

Last night, Carlee and I stopped texting around 10:30 pm. I think, if it weren't for her apparent exhaustion, we would've gotten carried away. We didn't breach any one topic of conversation. We talked about all of them, all at once, and combined. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it was true. Last night, I suddenly had so many things to say to her that were incredibly random but intensely honest. It was ridiculous, but I had no control over it anyway. Carlee seemed to feel the same confessional need as I did considering how consistently we went back and forth.

She had sent me a picture of her dogs to which I responded with a picture of Spyke and she adored him very expressively. We talked about random things like, YouTubers, video games, school, what our favorite things were, and why they were our favorite. Then we debated which one was more superior and I have to admit, she had a few that should've won. I say should've because I was too stubborn and too willing to poke fun at her for a good laugh. In between that, we also managed to get our five pictures taken. Mine were of Spyke, a plate with eggs and cheese on it (from my mom), my TV with Regular Show emitting from the screen, a screenshot of my favorite song, and a screenshot of the main character I play as in Identity V wearing a yellow suit. I didn't know what Carlee's pictures were, I asked to see but she never showed me. So I guess I would just have to wait and find out from our finished slides.

Eventually, she told me goodnight and left me to think of the spiraling conspiracies of my mind in the darkness of my bedroom.
Now, around 6:40 am, I found myself rolling over in my bed to check my phone for any notifications without the action taking place in my mind beforehand. To which I found none. With a disgruntled sigh, I left for the bathroom to get ready for school. When I was finished, I walked back to my room to retrieve my bag and as I did, finally, most graciously, a ping rang from my phone and I dove for it on the bed like a madman. Not even giving myself the time to chide as I knew I wasn't acting how I wished to.

Carlee: Good morning.

I gave myself a minute or two not wanting to come off as too eager before I responded. When the allotted time I gave myself was through, I texted her back with dancing fingers.

Andre: Good morning.

Carlee: are we going to sit next to each other on the bus as acquaintances or are you going to pretend you don't know me again?

The memory of sitting next to Carlee on the bus for the first time riffled through my mind and I recalled, rather shamefully, the way I had acted when she asked me if I was following her. But how else could I have responded to her question? At the time I had thought it best to just let her be, so I said nothing. Of course, now that I know her a little better it's clear to me that she really was just joking around.

Another memory, one more recent than the first, appeared this time and I was grateful for the switch in atmospheres.    Yesterday as I sat next to her on the bus, the silence a mere friend joining in between us.    That memory felt nicer to think of.

Only, it also brought back the discomforting expression on Carlee's face as she stepped off the bus... watching her get farther and farther away.    But I shook loose of that thought, eager to have a different image of her in my head today than the one she left me with.

Andre: we'll see

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This time, I took the spot next to the window with a mischievous smile. The window seat was always the best seat. And I wasn't going to let her steal it from me again.   ...Unless she asked...    I scowled at the voice announcing its own opinions in my head that seemed to become more frequent with each passing day. Out of stubbornness, I refused to think about her just to shut (whoever it was that felt like speaking for me), up.