Goofy ONE shit

Batch three has no moral compass

Texty: I've invited you here because I crave the deadliest game...
Folder, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
Texty: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Circle: Hand me the people opener.
Stone: ...
Stone: Pardon?
Circle, annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me!
Stone, stressed: WHAT THE F*CK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?
Circle: How do you not know what a people opener is? It's pointy- you know? With a handle?Stone: Knife. It's called a knife.

Folder: Is there something you would like to say, Stone?
Stone: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Abstracty: I choose to waive that right!
Abstracty: *metallic screeching*

Texty: Stone has never seen Star Wars? Atom, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that's cause they lived them, Atom! That's cause they lived the Star Wars!

Abstracty: Drink your school, stay in drugs, and get 8 hours of drugs.

*after the Squad has been separated for a few years*
Abstracty: So what have you been up to recently?
Stone: Leading a revolution with Circle.
Abstracty: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.
Stone: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!
Abstracty: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Atom?
Stone: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Folder?
Abstracty: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break them out later. Texty?
Stone: Cult leader.
Abstracty: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Texty: Unfollow me if you think the Earth is flat.
Circle: *seriously pretends to be a flat-earther to antagonize the anti-flat-earther.
Folder: *neutral but makes polls to start fights, "Is the Earth flat? Let's discuss!"*
Stone: *not a flat-earther but makes "the Earth may be flat but this a** ain't" jokes for viral tweets*.
Atom: *actual flat-earther.*

*Stone is talking about their past*
Stone: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.
Abstracty: Stone, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!
Atom: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!
Stone: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

Texty: Why don't I like this person?
Stone: I don't know. Maybe it's because they keep stealing your thunder.
Texty: Maybe it's because their name is "Circle". Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?
Stone: No.
Texty: That's because your name is "Stone".

Abstracty: Hello all, it is I, your favourite person.
Circle: Actually, Stone is my favourite.
Abstracty: Okay then, it is I, that b****.

Stone: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?
Atom: What? No, I—
Abstracty: *enters room*
Stone: *jaw clenches*

Atom: Texty, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I'd like to withdraw that statement-
Texty: Aww, thanks-
Atom: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

Texty: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's "intelligent" and "really cool".
Texty: But when I do it, I'm "petty" and "need to let it go".

Texty: When do you usually go to sleep?
Stone: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Folder: Alright Texty, Circle. Let's go over this one more time.
Folder: If something breaks?
Texty: We try to fix it before Stone gets home.
Folder: If it doesn't work?
Circle: We blame Abstracty.
Abstracty: Seriously guys, what the hell?!

*In a group chat* 
Abstracty: A pegan just flew into my window.
Folder: Pegan?
Stone: A what?
Circle: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan.
Texty: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO!
Circle: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window.
Texty: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window.
Abstracty: I literally just made a typo-

Atom: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Abstracty: *crouches down*
Stone: *kneels down*
Folder: *sits on the floor*
Atom:
Atom: I hate all of you.

Texty, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
Abstracty: *Sends a picture of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
Stone: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
Circle: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
Texty: I hate all of you.

Abstracty: But who gets which pencil?
Stone: Since they're my things, I get the good one, Circle gets the broken one and you don't get one because f*** you.

---------------------------

 I have to get ready for school :'(

15 December 2022