ArShi SS: Paper Planes

Chapter 7: Halfway

He's gone.

He's gone, and it feels like I've lost myself ever since.

Eleven days ago, my best friend confessed that he was in love with me.

Ten days ago, he transferred to another branch.

These past ten days have dragged on like eons, the void his absence has left growing deeper and deeper. Every day, my gaze automatically falls on his empty seat, and I realize how habituated I had become to looking at him every couple of minutes. Work is no longer something I look forward to, but neither is the weekend. Every day, I drive back to the apartment I share with Roy, feeling out of place, like I don't belong, like my body is here but I am not.

Every passing day, I realize just how much Arnav was responsible for my smile.

But ten days ago, I had made a decision.

I had decided that regardless of my unavoidable feelings for my best friend, I would stay with my fiance and try to make things work. My heart is eating away at my happiness, but my conscience does not allow me to give in.

And so, for the past ten days, I've tried everything in my control to convince myself that I made the right decision and that this gaping void inside of me will fill itself someday, or at the very least, I'll learn to function despite it.

I park the car and take the elevator to the apartment and use my keys to get in, knowing that just like every time, Roy won't answer the door since he's either not home, or playing on his Xbox with his headphones on.

"Hi babe," I hear him say as he gives me a sideward glance, going back to his game.

"Hey," I reply, trying my best to smile.

I watch him take a swig of his soda can as I take my coat off and place it on the rack. Now that Arnav is gone, I realize just how much I used to dump my emotions and problems and thoughts and opinions on him, and would rarely ever express myself to Roy. Maybe because every time I did, I would get called sensitive or immature or naive.

I try to brush these nagging thoughts aside and sit on the couch. If I'm going to make this work, I need to tell Roy what happened. I have to be honest.

I remember that we're supposed to have dinner together tonight, and make a mental reminder to tell him after dinner. A part of me is against the idea, knowing that it'll most definitely enrage him and he might do something that'll make me regret telling him. But I know that I can't be dishonest about any of this.

"So, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

Roy looks at me with his mouth open confused. I gesture at him to take off his headphones.

"I said, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Oh, I can't, I'm going out with some friends,"

"But... you said that you were going to eat at home today," I say, realizing that he's been going out with his friends almost every day these past few weeks, and returning late at night.

"Change of plans, babe," He replies, turning off his game and going into the bedroom. "I'll be late alright,"

I stay silent. At first when he would go out everyday and come home late I would argue with him, asking him why he can't eat dinner with me at least once a week. He would make some excuse or the other, telling me that I'm being clingy and irrational, and that he needs to hang out with his friends to let off steam and I'm coming in the way of that.

So, I know better than to argue.

I can hear him changing in the bedroom, putting on his jacket and zipping his jeans. His phone, which he had left here on the coffee table, starts vibrating.