Prologue: Recollection

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prologue: Recollection

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"Now, please put your hand on the crystal ball... Lady Zennia."

And with those words the old priest spoke, I follow his instruction.

From the look of this, I must look like a fool. Following someone that I don't even know about without any questions asked.

But the truth is I am hesitant and afraid at this moment. I never go to the church or even go far enough from the mansion.

I am only here because my mother is telling me to. She said it was the time for me to get my mana measured but she doesn't explain anything after that.

Instead, she hurried me to make my way to this church that is on the west side of our family's mansion.

At first, I felt happy knowing my mother will accompany me. I happily obey and followed her with the thought we would spend time together. I even considered my mother doing this as an apology for forgetting my eighth years old birthday.

but as it turns out, my mother has no intention to spend time with me. After arriving in the town, she immediately takes me to the church.

And here I am, standing alone in the middle of a dark emptied room while placing my hand on the strange equipment the old priest just prepared. If I have to guess, this strange equipment is used for my mana measurement I think? Or maybe it's not.

"Ah! lady Zennia."

a sudden voice called my name, grasping my attention. And... I think the voice is coming from the old priest.

Looking at where the voices come from and it turns out that is true. I see him just about to prepare something.

In response to him calling my name, I tilt my head wondering why he's doing it. He then began to spoke

"Sorry, Lady Zennia. I forget to say this but I want you to do not let your hands off the crystal ball, understand?"

"Un..." I nod to him.

"Well then, get ready."

The priest ends our talk. Actually no, I don't think that was even a talk, considering only him talking.

Well, at any rate, I only need to put my hand on this crystal thingy, right?

It's so that I will get my mana measured or something. With the detail about it, only my mother and the priest would know.

Still... I can't help but get cold feet about doing this. it should be fine because my mother is here. But I can't help but feel worried and scared about what would happen.

at the same time, I have to endure hearing a swarm of bats fluttering their wings and screeching on the ceiling above me. the wind also strongly howling on the church's roof, Indicating the storm is about to happen, adding to my worries and anxiety.

I look to my right and I see my mother praying on one of the sanctuary seats. I don't know what she's praying but it's probably not my wealth being. Still, she is my mother. Even though she is always ignoring me I always felt a kind of warmth, and peaceful feeling when staying beside her.

Peaceful... 

ah! That's right. 

Maybe I could ask my mother to be by my side when the measurement began. With my mother by my side, I'm very sure it's enough to calm myself down.

But...

can that even be possible? would my mother want to stay by my side? Listening to my wish?

No no no. I shouldn't have to think about that. I should at least try it first. And if that doesn't work then...

I prepared my voice to call my mother.

"mother... I—"

But before I can call her, my hand that is touching the crystal ball suddenly feels like it's being sucked. It felt like something is trying to absorb something from me. I try to remain calm and try to hold the pain because it's not that painful.

But just after trying to convince myself with that thought, the pain suddenly escalated and It became unbearable.

I try to let my hand go of the crystal ball -ignoring what the priest warned- but the pain is still there even after that. From my hand, the pain quickly spread to my entire body. leaving all my limbs to feel nothing but pain.

My mind went blank, what I only thinking is nothing but enduring the pain I feel.

it's torture... it's very hurt... stop... please... I want this to stop... I hate this.

I fall to the floor.

Is it because of the pain? I don't know. but in the end, the pain gradually weakened. And I began to get sleepy.

Semi-conscious, I hear a blurry voice calling me. is it my mom or the priest I wonder?

I try to focus my hearing but still couldn't clearly identify whose voice it was.

I then gave up on trying to guess whose it was and decide to ignore the voice completely.

I tired...

I'm feeling like this probably because of the pain but I also thought it was because I have already mentally drained.

Ever since I was born, I've limited vocabulary. Because of that, I mostly talk in a slow, stiff, broken, and monotonous way. It's damaged my way of expressing my thought and communicating with others.

My family found out about that when I was five years old. At the age when usually a child can use detailed sentences, tell stories, and can communicate easily with others. But I cannot do any of that.

My parent has brought me to the near town trying to find the cause and also a cure. but the result is empty. None of the identifiers, healers, and doctors can find the cause of this.

In the end, after many tries, my parent gives up on finding out about my condition and decide to ignore me. They are not abandoning me but just leaving me alone and letting the maids take care of me.

the maids then patiently teach me to read, write, count, et cetera. all the basics I need, I suppose.

But still, my parent ignored me as if I don't exist. Adding to that my older sister, Naidis, always makes fun of me, hit me without any reason, and keeps telling me all mean things. while the rest of my family ignore her actions toward me.

Every time each day passes, I keep getting more and more hopeless about my future.

And... now this happens.

I have to endure a painful feeling that's not even my fault. And the reason why I have to experience that, it's because I try to become a good child who obey what her parent said.

Why...? The more I thought about that the more I lost hope in my parent, in my mother.

I become tired. I don't know why I'm here anymore. What's the point of me trying my hardest to understand what the maids taught me? Why I'm doing all of that?

...

... I'm tired...

I don't want to be here...

I want to go back into my bedroom... and be sleeping forever then be forgotten...

prologue end

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