"I hate how much I love you." [Zosan]

"How did you know?"

Starting exactly where we left off, so if you need to quick skim over the last chapter please do so:)

⚠️MORE MENTIONS OF SUICIDE⚠️

Time: 3pm
Weather: 55° but it doesn't matter
Location: guest room.
(king sized bed, lamp, closet, etc.)
_____________________________

Sanji pulled Zoro upward as they moved onto the bed, sitting in the middle of it, facing each other.

"So..?" Zoro asked.
Sanji took a deep breath.

"I'm gonna be very straight forward. But I need an answer. It's about something you said earlier." Sanji replied.
Zoro nodded, nervously.

"...How did you know that I was suicidal?" Sanji said, slightly tearing up once he got to the last word.

"Just by..observing. I guess."

"Observing what?"

"Well, back in thriller bark. You were willing to sacrifice yourself. But you knew you wouldn't survive. You knew you were gonna die if you did it, but you still were willing to kill yourself without a second thought." Zoro said.
Sanji's voice started shaking.

"And what lead you to think..that it was because I thought my life was worth less than everyone else's..?" He asked.

"You don't know this, but I know everything and exactly what happened at whole cake island. I'm not an idiot Sanji, Luffy tells me everything."

"Everything?" Sanji said, he sounded a bit panicked.

"Everything. Though I did have to do more digging, I got more information out of Nami. It was so clear that you didn't care what happened to you. You only cared about the crew and whether or not they would make it out alive. You are so quick to sacrifice yourself And maybe parts of it is loyalty, but the majority of it is because you don't care what happens to you." Zoro said.
Sanji was speechless, he was trying his best not to cry.
"I'm right. Aren't I?" He asked.
Sanji nodded, slowly and hesitantly. A tear dropped from his face.

How was he able to figure me out so easily..I guess that's one thing I'm not good at hiding.

"How long have you known this..?" Sanji asked.

"I've suspected it for a while, but I've been watching to make sure you don't do anything stupid. I've known for..Uhm...Ever since thriller bark, I think. You worry me Sanji, but I've been looking out for you for quite some time." He said, they weren't making eye contact anymore,  Sanji was looking down. It was quiet for a moment, Sanji was in some pretty deep thoughts.
Then he threw his arms around Zoro, put his head over his shoulder.

"I love you." He said, as he tried to keep himself from breaking down. His voice was cracking up, and sounded like it was shaking.
Zoro put his arm around Sanji, holding him close.
He didn't respond, but he watched as Sanji let himself go. He started shaking, letting all the tears he built up over time out.
I've never seen him like this. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. He has such a kind soul, I don't understand how he still turned out to be so kind with a history like that. Hopefully I can help him.
Zoro teared up a bit himself, just seeing Sanji like that made him get emotional. He held Sanji closer, and began running his fingers through his hair. He remembered how that calmed him down a few days before.

"I didn't want to drag you into one of my stupid break downs, I'm sorry." Sanji said.

"Don't be, stop worrying about it and just focus on getting better. I'll try to help, but I really need you to work on that, is that something me and you can work out?" Zoro asked.
Sanji nodded.
Zoro smiled, a gentle smile.
Sanji tried to calm himself down, taking short breaths and shaky exhales. Zoro continued to stroke his hair, moving it behind his ears, running his fingers through it, all that.

"I know it's a sensitive topic, and you don't need to answer. But do you know why you don't care about yourself?" Zoro asked.

"It was probably because of the way I was raised. I felt as if I was only born to help other people accomplish their dreams, or make it more difficult. I felt as if I didn't have a purpose. And I'm still not sure if I do." Sanji said, keeping his head down.

"That's something we can work on, you definitely have a purpose. It's just something you have to take time to think about, and even if we couldn't find that purpose. You still have so many people that care about you, the only problem with that is that you're only living for them. We need to figure out how to make you feel like you want to live." Zoro said.

"Thank you, not just for being there but for being willing to help. You're the first person that's ever done that for me." Sanji said, sitting up and looking at Zoro.
Zoro put his hand on the side of Sanji's face, wiping his tears with his thumb.
He put his hand over Zoro's, and leaned into his palm.

"Instead of staying here, sulking. Why don't we go get drunk and have a laugh, does that sound okay to you?" Zoro asked.
Sanji nodded with a smile.
"I don't think anyones in the kitchen, wanna head down there now?" He asked.
Sanji nodded again, as Zoro got up and helped Sanji up.

The end ♡︎