The Horns That Grow From My Head

The beginning

It was the morning the members all awake and ready to leave the house for dance practice. The day started off normally as soobin went around to wake the other members and tell them to get ready for the day. Taehyun making them breakfast and yeonjun and hueningkai playing while waiting for food. They didnt notice the quiet beomgyu sitting at the table. It was the morning so it isnt unusual for him to be non verbal yet something else was keeping him from speaking, keeping him from being his hyper self.

"alright guys make sure you have everything." soobin says as him and yeonjun finished putting away the extra food. "yes mom" hueningkai says and giggles as soobin shoots him a glare. The others get the essential things they need and leave the house. Beomgyu trailing behind them as he holds his head, a headache creeping up on him. He gets in the car and climbs into the back right seat, putting his headphones on as he closes his eyes. The agency is pretty far even with a car so getting a small nap in before practice will not be an issue.

When they got to the agency kai looks to beomgyu and furrows his brows. It seems like the older isnt having the most pleasent dream. He goes to wake him up gently shaking him. Beomgyus eyes shoot open as he grabs his chest, trying to calm his running heart.

"Hyungie we're here" Kai says as he gives beomgyu a small belly rub to try and calm him. Beomgyu nods his head and takes a second to breathe to steady himself. He gets out of the car and stumbles a little bit, clearly still tired.

As they make it to their dance room a lot of people were greeting them as they walked through the halls. Beomgyu bowed as he still felt non verbal not feeling comfortable speaking just yet but slowly starting to come to his senses.

Once they got in the dance room beomgyu instantly sits down with his head in his hands. His head was pounding and he could feel the need to smash it into the floor.

"Are you ok beomgyu" soobin says as he comes over and puts his hand on the others shoulder. Beomgyu physically cringed at human contact and scooted away quickly nodding a yes to the other. Soobin gave him a questionable look but didn't want to push any further as they had to start practicing.

'today won't be so hard' beomgyu thought to himself as he got up. 'just a few hours of dance practice then we can go home. I can do this'

In fact Choi beomgyu could not do this.

It was already halfway through practice and beomgyu didn't know if he was about to pass out or throw up. His headache got worse and the music with the lights and other noises were really overstimulating him. He was messing up because he couldn't focus due to the overstimulation happening.

"Beomgyu what is up with you today?" Yeonjun asks as beomgyu fails to do a move right. Beomgyu looks down as he feels his throat close, fighting the urge to cry.

"You've been messing up all practice, please try and concentrate, we are all tired and just want to go home." Yeonjun says as he is trying to be calm with the other but clearly losing his patience. Beomgyu nods to him but he knows he will keep messing up if he feels like this.

'youre ruining them.' he thought as he got back into his position 'youre ruining the team' he let the negative thoughts consume his mind and he started to scratch at his wrist.

As beomgyu kept getting shot with worse and worse thoughts his wrist became irritated and a little bloody due to his nails being riggid from picking. He didn't even notice the pain till he felt the liquid on his arm. He felt panicked and rolled his sleeve down to hide what he had did.

"Can we take a break for a moment. I need the bathroom." He says hesitantly and walks out without waiting for a response. He didn't want to rush out of the practice room that would make the others worried and he didn't want that.

When he got to the bathroom he quickly locked the door so no one else could come in and he hid in one of the stalls. Rolling up his I'm sleeve as he continued to scratch at it, making it worse.

The feeling of this action panicked him yet calmed him at the same time. The pain giving his mind something else to focus on instead of the negative thoughts clogging his head. Then one thought came to his mind that made any food feeling vanish.

'What if the others find out'

This panicked him, his slowed heart rate speeding up as his breathing started becoming shallow. The pain of suffocating started to fill his chest as tears fell down his face. He reached for his hair and tugged, tugged until he could feel strands being pulled out. Tugged until there was ugly horns coming from his head. He was scared and he wanted one of his members with him so badly but he didn't want them to see him like this. While being too focused on causing pain to himself he didn't even realize the knocking on the door.

"Beomgyu you're in there right? Are you ok, What's taking so long?"

'shit'.

This is bad really bad. He had no idea what to do with his wrist still bleeding and his face being covered in tears. Breathing still shaky but the voice brings him back to reality. He quickly gets out of the stall after wrapping his wrist with toilet paper, it would have to do for now. He splashes his face with water and looks in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were hard to miss whole his whole face was read. He sighs and washes his hands, unlocks and opens the door to a concerned soobin.

"Are you ok beomgyu? You were in there for a while and we were already close to being done so we all decided to just leave, come on" soobin says as he turns and starts walking away. Beomgyu sighs in relief, at least he won't have to try and dance anymore and be yelled at for messing up a few times.

"Finally, let's go home already" yeonjun says as soobin and beomgyu get in the car. Beomgyu goes to the back corner and lays his head back. He didn't realize the concerned stares of the others or the whispering of soobin telling yeonjun what happened. He was too exhausted to even feel the way hueningkai slowly went to hold his thumb, clearly trying to comfort the older.

The car ride home was quiet, besides soobin and yeonjun speaking quietly about what they think could be going on. If beomgyu thought he was being secretive about this he was so wrong. They could tell something was up the instant they got to dance practice.

When they got home they all collectively stumbled into their dorm and changed into more comfortable clothes. Since it was only 5:53 they decided to watch a show and eat some dinner. Beomgyu stayed for the dinner but left quickly after finishing his food. He wanted, no, needed to be alone.

He stumbled to his room and closed the door. Quickly changing his clothes and unwrapping his wrist. He went to the bathroom to clean it up but something else caught his eye. A razor. He looked to his wrist and back at the razor and what happened next would later make the members wish that they would have begged him to watch the show.