October 28, 1991
Dear friend,
There was a football match today. I went with Sam and we sat in the bleachers where we normally do. Charlie showed up and found us, then he started acting like he hadn't seen us in years, despite seeing us only a few hours before. He's a weird kid. Nice though.
He doesn't understand things. Like how to have conversations. He told us about some girl and Dave (one of the footballers) and how Dave raped her at a party. But the way he said it was weird. Like he didn't even understand it until he said it out loud.
We all went to a party at Bob's after the game, I'm pretty sure that's what got Charlie talking about parties in the first place. Since it had been a good game (and since the party was at Bob's house) Brad was there. I saw him and he saw me but I didn't go over to him yet. I first got Charlie talking to some other seniors so that he wouldn't be alone. With kids like Charlie it doesn't seem like a good idea to leave them alone for long.
Sam followed me to Brad this time. I guess she wanted to hang out. We walked over to Brad and then all three of us went up to Bob's spare bedroom. We all just kind of talked about the game and school. Pretty boring but still fun. We had been there for fifteen minutes when Sam realized she should go check on Charlie. Her exact words were "I should go make sure Bob's not got him stoned."
So then me and Brad were alone and just kind of hanging out. Neither of us were really in the mood for sex so we just sat beside each other and talked for a while. Then we wanted to kiss so we did. I guess we started to get into it because neither of us heard the door opening. It was like the air in the room suddenly changed though so we both looked up and saw Charlie standing in the open door. Brad started to freak out so I had to try and calm him down and then I had to go to Charlie to tell him not to tell anyone and then he was so stoned that he didn't even know what was happening so I had to laugh. I eventually managed to convince him to keep it secret though and then I went back to Brad.
He was really upset so it was hard to deal with. He started talking as soon as I closed the door just all like "Who was he?" and then I said "That was my friend Charlie." and he was like "He's going to tell everyone." and then I said "Charlie won't tell anyone. Trust me." and then he said "But how can you promise that?" and then I sat down beside him again, because it just felt like I should be gentle with him right now and then I started to explain about Charlie. I think I said something like "Charlie's a weird kid. He's like a wallflower. He sees things and keeps quiet. I don't think he has any other friends." Then we were both quiet. After a few seconds Brad rested his head on my shoulder. He stayed quiet for a bit then he said "Okay." and we stayed for a while like that. A few people know about me and Brad. Sam, Bob, Charlie, Alice, Mary-Elizabeth... all my friends that we can trust. None of his friends though. They would kill us both. But the thing is that most of the people who know just think we don't love each other. They think that we were two lonely gay guys who just found each other and wanted a fuck-buddy. Which isn't true. I mean, I thought that's all he wanted at the start. But it's the little moments like this, us just being together without the sex or kissing, that remind me that he does actually love me. He just isn't allowed to show it.
Then he had to leave so he could meet curfew. His dad had been getting suspicious that he was going out to parties and Brad didn't want him to know. I went downstairs again and Bob started mucking about. He's such a junkie.
Then Sam, Charlie and me all went through the tunnel. I think Charlie was scared at first but he seemed to have fun when he saw that everyone was safe.
Bye,
Patrick
P.s,
Sorry for the long letter.
