Inhumanity

Chapter 16

I run my finger up Javi's face, he watches me closely "you're beautiful" he murmurs. I tilt my head "thank you, so are you" I've heard that compliment so often in my life but Javi always says it in a sincere way with no hidden motivations. He runs a hand across my shoulder "so tense" he observes. I roll my eyes and roll out from under the bedsheets, I start to redress "why do you always want to avoid talking about your concerns nowadays?" He questions. I run a hand through my hair "it's complicated", he shakes his head "not from where I'm sitting". He starts to redress as well, we'll only have so long before either Ben or Mel will break in.

Fully clothed I go over to the mirror and start to brush my hair up into a ponytail, Javi comes and stands behind me, I watch him through the reflection "problem shared is a problem halved" he offers. I shake my head "that saying has never quite made sense, a problem shared just means there's two people thinking about it". He leans his head on my shoulder, he knows how to make me open up "I guess there's a lot to think on, Wilford, Alex, Snowpeircers infighting..." I trail off. I put my earrings in pressing my lips together "I don't even know who's alive and who... didn't make it". I blink a few times, a few stray tears run down my cheeks "I try to work out who it could be, can't help it". He hugs me tightly and kisses my forehead "you need to focus on yourself Eve, this whole guilt you carry, it's breaking you down". I shake my head and wipe my eyes "I deserve it". It's something I repeat over and over again, that I deserve this pain, this guilt because I couldn't protect them. It's one of the reasons I tried to volunteer instead of Mel at the summit, she has so much more to do here and I need to somehow make things even. Javi shakes his head "you don't" he argues. I lean up and capture his lips one last times, he responds with equal warmth.

The sweet moment is shattered when the door slides open and Mel walks in on us with our lips locked. We reluctantly break apart "Need to talk to Eve" she says. Javi wordlessly leaves but not before shooting me a concerned looks, I nod letting him know I'll be fine. There's an awkward silence as neither me or Mel know what to say. I sit down on my bunk "so?" I ask. Mel leans against the desk "I need you to stay safe" she says firmly. I raise an eyebrow "I think it's a little late to have the talk. And anyway-" I star but the cuts me off "stay off big alice because if you cross that border he won't let you go back"

I nod solemnly "I won't, I promise" she sighs "The last time you promised me something, you broke it" she points out. I frown "Would you gave prefer for me to die? There was no other way" I point out. She rubs her neck "I know, just stick to this one no matter how tempting he makes it". I look to the ground, crossing the border is about as tempting as throwing myself under the wheels of this train, actually the wheels seem more tempting. Quick death and all. I continue to stare at the ground "was there any sign?" I ask nervously. There's silence and I look up, Mel looks conflicted "I didn't see any of them" she says hesitantly "that's not a full answer" I prod. She nods slowly "I did see the walkman". I feel my lips tug upwards in relief, it's a silly thing to get excited over but the Walkman is that fingerprint that points to there being someone from before on board. Mel looks reluctant "I do hope that they're still with us, on board big Alice but don't fix all your hope on that" she sits down next to me. She watches me carefully "you need to support Layton, keep snowpeircer, you know how to play Wilford's games, give him the advice he needs" her voice breaks. I look into her eyes and see tears "only if you promise to do your best to get back to us". I wrap my arms round her "I never did thank you properly for keeping me going all these years. If it weren't for you, I don't think I would ever have lived...properly lived ". We sit there for a few moments before we break apart, I wipe my cheeks but the tears keep flowing "god look at us, sat here sobbing like kids" I joke. She shakes her head also trying to clear her eyes of tears "when you get back, well laugh about how stupid were acting" I promise, she nods quickly "yeah, we will" though the doubt is clear in her voice.