All My Stars

13

" I'm a slut" I moan pitifully, stuffing my face into Jayla's arm.

"Girl, Shut up. Who said that to you? Was it your mother?" 

"It was me. I've known her like 2 weeks and look at me already"

Jayla grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly to get my attention.

" Society has demonized sex for women and I will not have you be a part of it and calling yourself the s-word" She rants.

A male classmate throws us a weird look over his shoulder to which Jayla rolls her eyes, rather obnoxiously and then proceeds to flip him the bird.

"And I haven't told my mother, she would be cooking up recipes to help me get pregnant even though it isn't physically possible"

Jayla ponders for a moment before turning back to me.

"Yeah, you're definitely right" We laugh about it briefly before our professor shushes us, a look of displeasure plastered on her face.

"Look, if you feel like you guys are going too fast then slow down. It's literally that simple, you have all the time in the world to get to the fun stuff" She quirks her eyebrows teasingly and I push at her shoulder with a laugh.

"Please stop"

"Plus, if we're going according to your parents' rules you guys didn't have sex since there was no penetration" She tacks on.

" Wonderful insight, thank you Jayla"

" You're welcome" She smiles happily, missing my sarcasm entirely.

We fall quiet as we sit through the remaining lecture and when it's done start walking to our next class.

" Oh, there's a party on Friday, you coming?" 

" mmm, I don't know maybe I'll skip"

"You need to get out more, plus you can bring Natsumi" Jayla suggests.

" I don't think she'd want to go to a college party"  I'm unconvinced even more after imagining that scenario.

" You'll never know if you don't ask so, ask" She shrugs.

"Sure" 

A weird feeling washes over me and I stop abruptly, Jayla keeps walking for a few paces before noticing my absence and questioning me in confusion.

"What?"

I turn full circle examining the empty hall before walking up to her side.

"Nothing, I just got the weirdest feeling someone was watching me" I rub at the standing hairs on my arm still suspicious.

"Let's go then" She guides me forward quickly with an arm circling my shoulder and I follow her lead thoughtlessly.

"So do you think it would be weird if I invited your wedding planner?" Jayla changes the subject, easing my discomfort.

"Definitely"

...
Finding the house empty is an odd experience and I sit in silence for a long time trying to decide what to do.

I try working on my project but nothing I sketch seems to come out right so I discard my art supplies in favor of watching TV.

By the time I hear her car pulling up, the sun has long gone past the horizon, and like a schoolgirl waiting for her crush,  I stand by the garage door waiting for Natsumi to open it.

"Hey" She greets me, her lips quirk in amusement as she regards me thoughtfully. 

"Were you waiting on me?" 

I can't lie, not when she's already seen the way I'm rocking on my heels. 

"Yes" 

"Cute" Natsumi muses, her arms coming around me in a warm embrace as she presses a kiss to the side of my head.

"I missed you too" She murmurs into my hair softly and I'm practically a puddle in her arms, clinging onto her hopelessly.

"How was your day?" She asks as we move out of the entryway and into the living room to sit.

"It was fine, nothing really out of the ordinary for me"

Natsumi hums in understanding, reaching down to take off her shoes.

"What about you?"

She pauses briefly, looking up at me in confusion.

"What about me?"

"Well, how was your day?" My words get softer as the intensity of her gaze shifts to something softer more relaxed.

"Oh," She continues, finally sliding off her black pumps.

"It was okay" She doesn't really elaborate and as she adjusts back into her seat my eyes gravitate to the way the dark brown mock neck shirt she wears under her suit jacket moves like a second skin on her.

"Navi?" She calls for my attention and it takes me a moment to respond, drawing my eyes back to hers. She clicks her tongue a few times, humor lighting up her features.

"Sorry" Even as I apologize I can't find it in me to muster the emotion as my eyes take her in once more.

"You're not"  A sound of alarm leaves my throat, a mix somewhere between a cry and a yelp, and then and only then do I actually feel guilty.

" No! I'm sorry!" I rush out following her as she makes her way to our bedroom at a leisurely pace.

Natsumi's nonchalance as she sits at the foot of our bed unnerves me, she shrugs off her suit jacket and checks her watch briefly before focusing back on me.

"You're fine, don't worry about it" She waves off.

It all feels so natural, the way she tilts her head to watch as she undoes her belt, her hands work slowly, and the rings that adorn her fingers glisten beautifully in the faint afternoon light streaming in from the open balcony door. Her hair hangs over her face and it's a surprise to both of us when I move it back myself.

"Sorry" I apologize again, moving away hastily.

" I'm gonna make us dinner" Her mouth is still shaped in that perfect 'o' as I spin around to leave the room, not waiting on a response.

It's me, I'm the problem.

The steady realization has me shifting uneasily as I enter the kitchen. 

I can't seem to slow down because I don't think I want to. It's too soon for me to like her this much already but it's too late. I had never even thought it possible for me to like a woman but here I am craving her. Everything from her eyes to her smell entices me and it scares me slightly.

I'm still wringing my hands nervously when her voice brings me out of my trance. 

"That hard to decide? Let's order pizza then, hm?" Her hands anchor me to a calmer state of mind and it's easy for me to agree.

"Okay"

Later, when we're settled on the couch, eating pizza and watching tv a question makes its rounds in my mind.

"Hey Sumi?"

"Yeah?" Her eyes leave the screen.

It's there on the tip of my tongue to ask.

Is this easy for you?

"It's nothing, don't worry" I say instead.

She watches me carefully for a few moments before nodding slowly and turning back to the movie playing.