No one knows until it happens to them, they won't understand it. I can't fault them for that. I hope they understand it. but god they won't fucking get it. "you seemed into him." maybe I was. "You seemed okay afterwards.'' I wasn't. "you guys talked it out.'' that doesn't take it away, I like attention from guys. I was never treated right, so I fucking crave it, but then I'm getting it and don't like it and want to take it back, and they don't let me. I like to have fun, I'm flirty. I'm to nice, but no one understands what you feel like afterwards, afterwards when you're sober and it hits you. Afterwards when you question if you're enough for anyone. Afterwards when you realise you let it happen again. I hope I never experienced another "afterwards.''
I said "no.'' I said ''stop'' I was scared, I was uncomfortable. He didn't stop now I'm scared and I think I will never be the same. It wasn't my fault right, I didn't exactly say no, but then again I couldn't I knew I'd be annoying him or make me do it anyway, like he has before. It was painful, and humiliating but it's not like I could stop him.
I cannot breathe, nor see. I cannot move, nor feel. I am numb, he is talking to me, but I cannot hear. He touching me, But I cannot feel silence , movement nothing. he removes his body from, I cannot breathe. He tosses my clothes, I can feel it, he smiles at me and I'm numb again. "you can leave now.'' I walk away, My mouth opens but no words come out. is it really rape if I never said no? is it really assault, If I don't have physical scar; to prove it?
