the devils house || b.e

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝟱

TW: self harm

billie didn't like people.

she always felt there stares a judgement as she walked down the hallways. she could hear their whispers of disapproval burning in her ears.

truth be told she hadn't always been this way, a few months ago people had been scared to breathe the wrong way around her and she didn't have a care in the world for what people thought of her, and forced a message into people that it'd be a mistake to mess with her.

now she was sat in the nurses office, fiddling with the strings of her hoodie after fighting off another panic attack.

those were starting to become a regular occurrence and she slowly found herself spending more and more time in this room.

"billie do you think you can go up to social now?" the nurse asked to which she immediately shook her head, worry flooding her again.

what if she forces her?

what if she goes up there and starts crying?

or throws up?

or can't breathe?

or trips over?

or—

"okay that's fine billie, it was only question", the nurse spoke softly, "you know i'm never going to force you to do anything that you feel unable too, okay?"

that's all it took for her racing heart to slow, her hands to unclench and her breathing to return to it's normal rhythm as the panic slowly seeped away.

she felt exhausted and she just wanted to go to bed and preferably stay there forever.

she missed the feeling of being able to control exactly how people felt around her, now she just let them walk all over her with no remorse.

she was just so tired..

she thought about how her parents forced her back here, how they'd all turned on her calling her a 'murderer' and the fact that she denied it suggested she needed some serious help, more than they could give her.

so they kicked her out.

the only people who stuck by her were finneas and claudia.

she missed them more than anything, they knew who she really was, under all the fake facades she had back then, they knew she wouldn't do what her parents thought she did.

she thought back to how lyra defended her earlier.

no one has ever done that before.

well a few months ago they didn't have too, she had been more than capable of defending herself.

but now the most people would do was send a pitiful look which billie hated more than anything.

it made her feel so weak and she hated the attention.

but today was different, and she didn't know how to feel about it.

she felt embarrassed and ashamed that she had to have someone stand up for her instead of just doing it herself.

but at the same time her heart clenched at the thought of someone possibly caring.

she might've just been trying to be nice.

what if one of the teachers spoke to her?