Mother, Dearest

5

We pull up to the entrance of where the Den should be. Nobody has been here in almost five years. It doesn't seem like it's been very long to some, but for us, it's been a lifetime. I pull the garage door opener and click the button to see if it still works. No luck. We're going to have to go in through the shed.

"We're going to have to go in through the shed, and open the garage up that way. Kyle, can you do it, please?" I say without taking my eyes off of the door of the shed. I feel like I'm about to throw up. I'm nervous to go inside and see the walls that bare my entire life. I'm nervous to see if they've changed, or if they haven't. I've spent tireless hours in the underground that I used to call home. The day that our home got raided, I wasn't expecting to never be able to go back. This will be my first time stepping foot inside of the den since that day.

"Yeah, I got you." Kyle says and gets out of the car.

I watch Kyle walk up to the door. Even just watching him open the door, was enough to give me chills and make me even more nauseous than before. I can't wait for my next therapy session. I'm clearly not even close to making a break in my traumas.

The ground parts, revealing the entrance that leads down into the garage. I slowly drive forward, down into the dark tunnel.

I put the car in park and look to my left. There it is. The door that leads into my home.

I get out of the car and shut the garage door before heading inside. I put my hand on the door handle, but I can't bring myself to open the door. I just stand there frozen, petrified of what is waiting for me on the other side. I want to know, but then again I don't.

After five minutes of battling with myself, I finally gather up enough strength and courage to open the door. I stand there for a minute to take everything in. Everything is exactly how it was the day we left, but covered in dust and dirt. The Christmas lights that were strung along the walls, remain in the same position, but not lit. The black leather sofa, still sat in the middle of the living space. The big monitor that we used to sit Infront of for hours on end, still hangs above the sofa. The tables, chairs, lamps, and carpets, all remain the same.

"Kyle." I become even more nauseated than before.

"What's up Twy? You okay?" He rushes to my side and begins to rub my back.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can't take it. This is too much for me right now." I turn away from Kyle and end up puking all over the floor.

"You're just having an anxiety attack Twy, it's going to be alright. I would be scared if you weren't having this reaction. This is normal. You have a lot of trauma tied to this place. Just let it all out, take your time, and breathe." Kyle continued to rub my back while I hurled all over the floor.  "We don't have to do this if you don't want to Twy. You can go sit in the car and wait while I dispose of Jack."

I stand up straight and shake my head. "No, I have to do this, it will help me heal."  I say with little confidence in my tone. I'm not entirely sure if this is going to help me make a breakthrough or if it's going to set me back.

"I'm going to go grab Jack." Kyle pat my back before walking out to the garage.

I walk over to the big monitor that was hung above the couch. I stare up at it, curious to see if it would still turn on. I'm curious to know what I would see. Would it still be the long list of victims that we would portray as enemies?

I reach up and press the power button, to my surprise, it turns on. The white glow of the screen lights up the entire room. Hundreds of names begin to roll down the screen. I click on the first name that I see. My mother.

Satanica Rose Lee
Race: White
Age: 37
Crime: unknown

I stare at her picture with a sense of dread in my stomach. She was so beautiful, so elegant. I miss her so much.

"Twyla, I need your help!" Kyle beckons for me from the garage.

I make my way to the garage to see what he could possibly be struggling with. I get to the doorway to see Kyle bent over, out of breath and sweaty. I roll my eyes at him.

"Are you serious right now?" I laugh at the sight of him.

"He's fucking heavy dude."  Kyle gasps for air. "He's not even that buff, how can he possibly be this heavy?"

"Yeah, neither are too, clearly." I laugh some more as I pick up Jack's feet.

"Where do we want to put him?" Kyle asks, shuffling his feet across the floor as we move the body.

"I think I want to put him in my old room for now, just until we can figure out something better to do with him." I say.

I honestly just wanted an excuse to see my old room. I haven't seen it in five years, and wanted closure. I want to know if it still looks the same as everything else does.

"Right on." Kyle says to me.

We set Jack's body down to open the door, we pick him back up and begin shuffling again. We plop him down in front of my dresser. Well, what we think to be my dresser, we can't see anything due to how dark it is in here.

"Jack, can you pull out the flashlight on your phone? I want to look around a bit."

"Yeah, sure Twy." Kyle turns on his flashlight.

I scan the room, everything looking how it did the day that we left here. My eyes gaze down at my bed. My gaze becomes a look of shock. My breath hitched in my throat. Every cell in my body froze. I felt like I myself had frozen time. I look over at Kyle to see if he can see what I'm seeing.  Of course he's not even paying attention, just playing away on his phone.

"Kyle... look." I point to my bed.

Kyle drops his phone in shock, quickly picking it back up. "Oh my god."

"How is this possible?" I begin to panic.

"I don't know, I... oh my god." Is all he can manage to say.

She's here... it's her... Mom.