twisted devotion || Yandere!DAZAI/READER

[15] The Awakening

You arrive back at the dorms after gone shopping, with grocery bags filled with fresh vegetables, raw chicken bits, tofu, and fruits; once again bickering with Dazai as to who gets to pay. Ultimately it had been paid by you when you pressed the wad of bills to the cashier and told her to ignore Dazai's card, with a look that must have been threatening for she had submitted to your words and taken the money from you.

"Can't I treat my beloved?" Dazai had whined on the way home, carrying both bags of groceries.

"I can take care of myself just fine, Dazai," You said, "It's not a matter of spoiling; I'm doing my part as your roommate."

"You're my partner," He had said, "I want to spoil you."

"Well, that's just..." You trailed off when you turned to him and saw a undying glare in his eyes that betrayed love, as though you were never a stranger to him, but someone he had known for his entire lifetime and more; you could drown in those eyes like a bee with a surplus of honey, and it's summer, so it's suicide, and you're struggling to get out of the bottom of his gaze as if a part of you had always been trapped within him like a religion to a believer. Longing was so evident in his complicated gaze that it took your breath away, as though he was targeting your soul and entrapping it in a web weaved by his dexterous fingers, "I...I can deal with it on my own."

"It's not your own when you're with me," He says, finally breaking his gaze and turning to look at the setting sun, "It's us. Not just you."

"You see, well," You turn away and fiddle with your fingers, "This is my first relationship."

He looks surprised, shocked: a mixture of delight and disbelief, "Really?"

"Yeah," A hint of shame taints your voice, "I've never really been into the romance scene up until now."

"Not even in school? University?" A rising hope in him.

"No. I took no interest in anyone, and no one took interest in me," You say, "It's just been like that for ages; I've accepted that it'll always be like that."

"I'm glad you trust me as your first," He says, so earnestly that your shoulders drop in relief and you let out a deep exhale you didn't even know you were holding, "Truly, it's an honour."

"That really reassures me," And you give him a smile, one of those truly genuine smiles that make Dazai feel as though your love feels like a tease from God, like his throat being slit open and the only balm being your hand to cover the bleeding wound, "Thank you. I was a bit nervous about telling you that, but hearing those words from you really makes me feel better."

"Of course, belladonna," He says, nearly stammering on his words at the raw honey in your voice, "We were written in the stars. I just know it."

"Aw, very sappy of you," You tease, and then you shrug, looking up at the citrus orange sky, "A blood illuminated batch of stars..."

XX

An air of domesticity permeates Dazai's dorm: when one cooks for someone, this is a deliberate act of nurturing, and there is a pious aura of nurturing that hangs in the air and fogs the window like a fire being held captive within the walls of the dorm. You're slicing up the chicken into bite sized pieces for chicken karaage, while Dazai fiddles with the end of a leek, unsure as to how to wield a knife despite his rough upbringing. It was ironic really; a once stone cold killer now useless to the blade of the knife that was capable of slitting a throat open, staring questionably at the end of a leek before clumsily pressing it down with the knife.

"Oh, you," You giggle when the knife awkwardly cuts the leek at an undesirable angle, "Leave it be, you're torturing the poor thing."

"Should I just..." He comically puts the flat side of the knife and bangs on it with his fist, "Knock it unconscious or something?"