The Second Chance

Reality check

Dear diary: Now I'm writing this the 12/16 2022, I'm excited to continue telling this story to you diary. I will continue writing on you very often.

Well let me remember where I was... Ohhh yess, after the Minecraft server party with some people of the discord server. I only had contact with Annie being honest, then i started to talk with Louis and that's it. By the way, actually I only have contact with Louis, I haven't talk with Annie these days but I would like ask someday how is she.

Few days after that, I used to say hello to all the server and talk with admins, one of them that actually form part of my beautiful group of my friends "Amaya gang" is called Helga, she is icelandic, we share sundry hobbies of our lifes, I like spent my time with her sometimes, is cool.

One day suddenly Amaya started to answer me frequently, and there, a big friendship has begun.

At the beggining I used to talk to her very confident at some point that I started to have a conversation in private messages. Imagine diary, I'm so shy to do something like that, imagine how good I felt and I feel actually to having this friendship.

But something unexpected happened, you see diary, I didn't have internet friends in a past, is something wonderful to have foreigners friends but I don't know how to deal with it, is a new experience for me and still is being like that. But at that moment I felt like "rookie" we would say, I had to respect more, and why I'm telling you all this information? Look.

Not only in that I'am inexperienced, so what it is? We've talked a lot so at some point, she asked for my age one day. Know age is very important in every internet relation that you have, but there is a curiosity. I've never had the obligation to say my age to someone in my life, because i didn't see necessary  that information, I was so used to not say anything about it and I think that was because I used to be young, that I didn't remember where I was. 

Why this? Well if you see diary, I told you, I didn't have any internet relation before to this experience. Since 2012 that was the year when I started to use social media (yes, with 12 years old) I didn't have any connections with stranger people, just people from my school and stuff like that, parents, friends, etc. Until 2017, I only have contacts with people from the place I lived. In 2017, I met "strange" people, they were players of a game that I play. And it was only that since 2017-2021, nothing special like friendship relation from distance or stuff like that.

Getting back to the important, when we said our age, I clarified that I just want to be good friends, being honest diary, that day I felt so embarrased. It's kinda funny, I felt so embarrased because the situation was new for me, I didn't how to deal with it. So I said something stupid to clarify the situation. 

As always, the story of my life, Diary... I don't know when I'm going to fix it, yes, say stupid things in important situations, that ruined some moments of my life, I would like to know how to fix it in a future, more now that it seems my life is getting better, I don't wanna lose everything again because I don't know what to say and I say something wrong.

So, I don't want to continuing remembering that day, so, Amaya if someday you found this diary in some moment of the life, I just want to tell you sorry for being idiot trying to clarify the things, I could express myself better but I never can. 

Otherwise, that day I thought that friendship it was gonna be impossible to have, because I felt like she tried to don't talk to me often like before, and I understand it totally, I was a stupid and age difference thought. I was inexperienced of that, I had the feeling that if you were major, you couldn't have a friend between 14-18 years old, not only that, I felt and I continuing feeling (and I'm afraid by the way) that you have to take care a lot much of the words you say, because you being major, you can't say whatever you want to someone minor than you, even doesn't matter if is it in a joke mode.

I felt so destroyed that day and the next day, literal the next day I thought "when the life changed a lot for me". When I was young, doesn't matter the things I could say, literal I could say everything I want to the people that I want, but not anymore, I feel like I can't socialize the same mode that I did like few years before, and I hate it, you know Diary? Like I want to joke like before, sometimes I feel like what changed? Just a number, because I feel like I'am the same as a years before, I study, I play video-games 24/7 like in the past, I still have the stupid sense humor as before, I feel my body same (well this maybe not, Biology advance through years) but what changed? Maybe I could not do purposes that I had in the past, I feel like, I can't change because I have pending stuff to do still before to change, maybe could be that

Diary, I dont want to tell you my past story still, I want to wait to the moment to tell you about it, when the moment comes, you will understand I swear, and I hope my friends too, because I feel prepared to tell them in these days.

Well, I don't talk about how the life changes, it just does and it's like that, I want to continuing with the story. 

The next day was so hard, I felt like I lost a big friend, I didn't want that, literally I wanted to talk with her like we did every day, I don't care anyway to talk about stupid things, it's funny and I usually don't have any who to talk like that, if you see.

Surely you going to ask me "what about Annie? and Louis? You used to talk with them a lot too" Yes... well it's different, I don't know how to explain you, I felt the friendship with Amaya kinda different you know? Like the situation with Annie and Louis were different respect Amaya because it never happened to me, like have to deal with someone minor than me.

Literally the next day I felt destroyed, but not for her, it was about me, I was sad with myself, I had that sensation before, it feels so bad, but i didn't have latest because the sensation feels different with all of my friends supporting me and giving me lovely vibes.

In resume, that day was necessary to learn some stuff, sometimes feel bad is not the worst thing ever, you have to see the things and open your mind around you to see others perspectives.

The time was passing, Diary I don't know if you believe in spiritualy, gods, and those stuff like that, but I do not just like nordic cultures just for their traditions, the old religion too, and I don't know how but I promise, I swear for all of you want in this world, I feel like I can speak with them, since those days when everything beggining, some mystical things happen to me, I swear the gods (not just norse) help me every pass that I do, until now. I have to thank to me mother how she make me a pagan practicioner, is really interesting and is a misterious and magical secret that I want to tell you diary, but I would like to tell you the next chapter in some days, I'm moving right now and it's kinda difficult to tell you about this magnific story, but I promise, I feel so comfortable writing on you.

Heyyy there, I hope you enjoy the second chapter uwu!!! 

I'm a little hurried on, but then I'm going to correct some wrongs that i did surely.

Qualify the chapter and see you next days!!! ^w^