I LIVED FOR YOU • Fab Moretti

Chapter One

"Jules?" I said, shaking his arm gently. When he didn't react, I shook it again, harder. "Julian!" i exclaimed, beginning to panic.

The room was shaking around me. The old yellow lights of the bathroom were flickering, and my head was spinning. I knew that drink earlier had been spiked. And once I remembered the name of the asshole who gave it to me, I was confident I would take care of him. But now, I had more pressing circumstances to deal with.

As the music pounded outside the bathroom, I searched desperately through my bag for naloxone. It had been ages since I'd been to a party, but I knew I dug it out of my closet before coming. It had to be in there somewhere. 

When it had been a minute of my frantic searching, I began to panic more. Feeling myself hyperventilating as sweat poured out of my skin from my forehead, as I squeezed my eyes in pain in response to the stinging droplets dripping. 

"Come on Julian, just hold on another second, okay?" I cried as I held his phone to my face. When he brought me here, he said his other friends were going to be there, but I only met one of them, Nick, and he was not in Julian's emergency contacts. However, there was another name I recognized.

"Yo, Jules, where you at?" A bright voice asked over the phone.

"Is this Fabrizio? It's Julian's friend, he needs help, where are you?" I asked, shaking as I fumbled with my words, wishing I knew what I needed to say.

"Huh? What's going on? Where is he?" Fabrizio asked.

"We're in the upstairs bathroom, farthest down the hall. Do you have naloxone? Do you know anyone who would have it? He needs it, right now!" I cried. "Come on, Jules, wake up!"

"Naloxone? Shit, okay, I'm coming. Stay where you are."

"Please hurry," I said, leaning over Julian's unresponsive body as I sobbed. 

Suddenly, the door burst open and I saw a curly-haired boy with a phone held against the side of his frantic face.

"What happened?" he exclaimed, diving to my side and grabbing Julian.

"Where's the naloxone?" I shouted, putting out my hands for it and looking him in the eyes. Without hesitation, he conjured the nasal spray from his back pocket and shoved it into my hands, and I just as swiftly inserted it into Julian's nose. "He didn't even take that much!" I cried as I pressed the spray. "I watched him. He was right there. He said it would be fine--"

Suddenly, Julian jumped into action, doubling over to his side as he vomited on the floor next to him.

"Julian!" Fabrizio and I exclaimed in unison, both diving for him. 

He gasped for air, as he fell onto his back on the ground, rolling his eyes. 

"Julian," I sobbed, leaning over and pressing my forehead against his chest. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you..."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, falling in and out of consciousness. I felt Fabrizio put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Did you call an ambulance?"

I nodded, sniffling and wiping my tears.

"I need you to help me get him downstairs," I said. 

"I'll get his right side."

With one arm around Julian's waist and the other holding his arm over my shoulder, we carried him through the crowd of people that dispersed quickly at the sound of sirens.

"I'm so sorry, Dia," Julian whispered again.

I said nothing, hardly looking at him as I let Fabrizio help the EMTs load him into the ambulance.

"Only family members, sorry," the EMT said as he and I tried to follow. 

"What? But he--"

"It's the rules. Sorry."

As the EMT slammed the door, I felt Julian's friend look down at me.

"Do  you need a ride?" he asked. 

Without looking up, I nodded.

"Are you okay?"

My shoulders shook as my stomach ached, tears beginning to fall again from my eyes, as weeps fell from my mouth.

"Shh..." the boy said, pulling me into him. "He's gonna be okay. You did all you could. You did good," he said.

"I can't believe this," I whispered. 

"I know. We never know anything with Jules," Fabrizio said sadly. I pulled away, wiping my eyes and looking around awkwardly.

"I don't know what to do," I muttered, looking down the road the ambulance had disappeared down.

"About what?" Fabrizio asked. I shook my head and looked down.

"Nothing," I said in a whisper. "I'm Claudia, by the way," I said, extending a hand.

"Fab," he said, putting his large, warm hand over mine and shaking is gently. "Nice to meet you."

I pulled my hand away.

"Thanks for... thanks for helping," I said.

"Of course," Fab replied, now also looking down the road after the ambulance. "Julian's my best friend."

I stood in silence, watching my breath in the frosty November air as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"We better go, it's freezing. Come on, I'll give you a ride," Fab said, gesturing towards his car. I silently followed without protest. "Where to?" he asked. 

"The hospital."

Fab sighed, turning on the ignition. 

"You need to tell me what happened," Fab said softly.

"What?" I asked.

"What happened. Why was he taking opioids? You knew he was doing it, so you have context. Tell me what happened.

I sank back into my seat, taking a breath.

"He said it was nothing. I told him not to. He was already plastered. He promised me he wouldn't take anything. He told me he wouldn't, earlier," I explained. "But he was so shitfaced. He didn't even hesitate. I lost control over him, and he lost control over himself."

We sat in a silence as Fab thought and drove.

"He kept telling me it was fine."

I felt that same large, soft hand over mine again. I looked over. The curly-haired boy was watching the road ahead with a blank face.

"You did good," he said.