He's been damaged, hes been misused

when you cant sleep at night

hey..Guess what?..its ricky pov ;) who woulda guessed!

After we had all calmed down a little we all sat in the living room together
Ryan broke the silence "you guys wanna get pizza?"
balz sits up "dude fuck yes"
"I could eat a whole pizza right about now man" tj says groaning
angelo looks up from his phone and nods before going back to staring at his screen
"chris? rick?" ryan says
"yeah pizza sounds good" chris smiles
I just nod not really feeling like talking anymore
chris looks at me "you okay?"
I look up at him before picking up my phone and sending him a message

me: m okay chris I just don't feel like talking rn I love you <3

i feel chris's phone vibrate and he picks it up reading the message, i watch him quickly type something to me

chris <3: okay love thats totally okay thank you for telling me, i love you too sweetheart <3 if you start feeling bad just nudge my arm and we can go upstairs x

i read his message and smile cuddling into his side
"what kinda pizzas are you all wanting?" ryan asks pulling his phone out his pocket
chris tj ange and balz all said peperoni or cheese whilst tj created some gross random hellish pizza
"rick? i know you dont really like pizza but is there anythin you want?" ryan asks me
i look up at chris for help
"message me it sweetheart dont worry"
i message chris asking for garlic bread pizza
chris tells ryan and he nods
"sweet, i'll get a few things of fries and stuff too"
"thank you daddy ryan" tj grins
"ew what the hell" ryan fake gags
my mind suddenly goes blank and i space out loosing myself in my own thoughts
what if chris leaves me?
what if he just feels bad about me and doesnt actually love me?
what if everyones just pretending to like me
what if i mess up with him? oh my god hes gonna leave me soon

"ricky?"
"rickyyy?"
"babe?"
i shake my head snapping myself out of my thoughts
"are you sure your okay?" chris asks me i just nod and go on my phone
i end up scrolling through instagram until i check who had viewed my story, my now ex-girlfriends ex.
i check his profile and looked at the comments, my ex had commented saying she loved him and that he was hers. i start to notice that this was before she had even broken up with me.
i sigh going onto my chat with her

me: hey jess, please just be honest with me cuz i've already seen the comments. did you really leave me for your fucking ex? yknow..the one you claimed you fucking hated? and "never wanted to see again?"

i wait a few minutes until i finally get a reply

jessica: ricky im sorry, but yeah. thats exactly what i did.

me: what the fuck?? why? how could you fucking do that to me? and before you even broke up with me??.

jessica: im sorry rick, i know your upset but you shouldve realised. why would i want to spend my life with you? your basically a fucking walking rain cloud rick.

i throw my phone onto the table and get up running upstairs
"wh- rick?" balz says looking away from the tv
"ricky!" i hear chris shout and follow me upstairs
i end up locking myself in the bathroom, i sit on the floor against the wall with my head in my arms.
i hear a gentle knock on the door already knowing it was chris
"ricky hunny? whats going on darling?"
"g-go 'way..." i sniffle
he sighs and hear him sit against the other side of the door
"c-chris.."
"yeah sweetheart?"
"i-i wan be alone.." i cry
"i know hun i know i just dont want you to hurt yourself bub"
i let out a small shaky sigh "s-she lef me for her e-ex.." i mumble "m-m never gon be good enough.."
"awh angel..dont say that"
"b-bu is true..m dumb n im pathetic..."
"unlock the door sweetheart" i hear him stand up
i sigh pulling myself up and unlocking the door
chris pulls me into the biggest hug ever
"you are none of those things ricky. its her loss anyway! you are the prettiest most gorgeous boy i think ive ever seen, actually i dont think i know! i am so so lucky to have you sweetheart and i love you so so so much. we're gonna get through this together okay?"

and suddenly im sobbing into his chest, i grab his shirt with my hands trying to get closer to him
"cmon lets go to our room so your not just crying in the hallway" chris says taking my hand and leading me to the room we'd be staying in
he sits down on the bed and i immediently climb into his lap
i cry into his chest more
"i-i wub yu s much.." god i cant even form a proper sentence
he chuckles and kisses my head
"hold on sweetheart" he holds onto me and moves us so were both laid down, me being ontop of him
without thinking i roughly press my lips against his
he kisses me back, pulling me closer to him a few kisses later and it turned into us making out. he's sat with his back against the headboard with his hands on my hips whilst im sat on his lap
"nhf..c-chris.." i mumble pulling away so i could breathe for a second.
he pulls my hoodie off and starts kissing my neck
"m-mhn..f-fuck.." i quietly moan
"you're so pretty" chris says against my neck "so fuckin pretty"

"hey guys pizzas- OH SWEET JESUS" i hear balz shout
"OH MY GOD" i shout covering my face with a pillow
chris bursts out laughing
"UHH PIZZAS HERE?" balz says awkwardly
"we'll be down in a sec. wont we rick" chris teases me
"LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS!" balz shouts before running downstairs
i move the pillow away from my face and look at chris in shock
he laughs at me "your face is so red "
"s-shut up.." i say getting off him "wan food" i huff
"do you want your hoodie love?"
i shake my head and pull chris up "cmonn m hungry!" i say dragging him downstairs
"you okay now?" tj asks me
"m fine" i smile at him
balz starts fake crying
"oh cmon! we werent even doing anything!" chris says sitting down
i sit down on the floor next to his leg happily eating my garlic bread
i notice tj staring at me, specifically at my arms
oh for fucks sake
i look down at my food trying not to notice
please dont say anything please dont say anything
"hey rick?" tj says
oh fuck me
"mh?"
"yknow we all love you right?" he says, the rooms silent
"i-uh..i love you guys too.." i say trying not to cry again
i think chris noticed because he stroked my hair with the hand he wasnt eating with
tj suddenly looks really sad, i look at him and tilt my head
"ugh god cmere lil dude" he says rolling his eyes
"what why?"
"just come here rick"
i do as he asks and go over to where he was sitting
tj fucking tj the guy that was hardly ever affectionate with any of us is fucking hugging me
"yknow you can talk to us rick we're all here for you"
i nod and he ruffles my hair letting me go back to my food
i watch ryan pick up an onion-ring, squint at chris and then perfectly aim it at chris's head
"what the fuck?" chris says shaking the crumbs out his hair
ryan laughs at him

we all finish eating in silence just enjoying eachothers company
i ended up leaving half of my pizza cause i just couldnt finish it, i cuddle into chris's leg
"sweetheart why dont you sit on the couch?"
"mhh..no!"
he rolls his eyes and smiles at me, gently petting my head
i yawn "chrissss.."
"yeah?"
"m tired..wan go bed" i whine
"okay love" chris standing up
im still sat on the floor looking up at me
"rick you look like youre boutta suck dick" tj says laughing
chris's face goes red
i roll my eyes and sit up on my knees putting my arms up
"you want me to pick you up?" chris says tilting his head
i nod and he picks me up, i wrap my legs around his waist and arms round his neck.
"goodnight losers!" everyone else shouts as me and chris go upstairs
"goonight!" i shout back

we get to our room and chris sits me on the bed closing the door behind us
i yawn covering my mouth with my hand, i stretch my legs out and kick them back and forth
chris looks at me and smiles
he starts humming a song whilst i watch him get ready for bed
he takes his shirt off and i look at him with wide eyes
"awh what?" he teases
"n-nothin.." i say blushing looking away from him
i feel him wrap his arms around my waist. i turn to look at him and realise he's only in his boxers
"want me to help you?" he says against my neck
"i-i..mh.." i give up speaking and nod
he helps me take my jeans off and i refuse to make eye contact the entire time
"do u want a shirt to sleep in?" he asks
i nod again and he puts his hands up my shirt "arms up baby" i listen to him and he takes my shirt off before moving so hes behind me again
"god you're gorgeous" he puts his hands on my hips, moving his thumb up and down "so fuckin pretty" he kisses the back of my neck "all mine, my perfect boy" he gently sucks on my neck
"o-oh my god.." i breathe out
i feel him move his hands lower down
"c-chris..not yet.." i mumble feeling kinda bad
he places a kiss on my back "okay hunny" he gets up getting me one of his shirts "put your arms back up for me angel"
i do as im told and he puts the shirt on me
i smile and crawl into bed immediently collapsing onto the pillow
"oh my godddd" i groan cuddling into the pillow
chris turns the light off and joins me in bed
"mh fuckk" he says closing his eyes
i kiss him before cuddling into his side pulling the blanket over us more
"i love you chris"
"i love you too prettyboy"