He's been damaged, hes been misused

City lights

//TW/// struggling at the moment so sorry

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What ricky had thought to be a tiny crush on the singer happened to be an obsession the only thing he could ever think about was Chris. His perfect brown eyes and that adorable smile fuck ugh! He was perfect!
But those stupid voices in rickys head keep telling him that if he confessed to Chris he would get rejected and chris wouldn't ever want to speak too or see ricky again, He hated those voices they never shut up and they drive him insane he hasnt told the others about whats going on inside his head normally if anybody asks if hes ok he'll fake a smile and say "im fine" but he knows their getting suspicious.
Ricky hasnt worn a short sleeved shirt in the past 6 weeks and chris is getting concerned he obviously hasnt spoken to ricky about it but he knows something is up.
Ricky lays in his bunk silently crying into a pillow mumbling things too himself,trying to ignore those voices but they keep screaming at him "do it do it do it do it,no one will care anyway so do it" they chanted over and over again until he couldnt take it.

//tw//

Ricky takes a small black box from under his pillow and takes the many blades from it testing which one worked best he slowly dragged each blade across his arm placing them aside once he'd found the most efficient one
He pushed the blade into his arm dragging it slowly across Watching the tears of blood drip down his arm.
His arms are covered in deep cuts and blood
"shit..." ricky whispered forgetting chris's coffin area was extremely close to Ricky's.
"ricky?" chris asked quietly trying not to wake tj who was sleeping on the bunk above ricky
"y-yeah?..." ricky said weakly
"you doing ok? Your not acting like yourself and im getting worried about you"
"y-yeah uhm i-im fine why wouldnt i be" ricky tried to sound happy but only made his crying worse
Chris could hear the quiet sobs of his bassist and wanted to give him the biggest hug.
"ricky whats wrong?" chris asked
"i-i dont wanna talk a-about it..."
"please ricky im worried about you,do you maybe wanna go for a walk?" chris asked
"y-yes p-please" ricky crawled out of his bunk

Once chris has actually put some clothes on, him and ricky start walking they dont know where and they couldnt really care less at this moment in time.
"so explain to me what exactly is going on ricky" chris spoke breaking the awkward silence
Ricky sighed "i-its so hard to explain y-ynow just i-i hear things c-chris like v-voices and they tell m-me things..."
"what do they tell you?"
"t-they tell me t-to hurt m-myself..." ricky cried
"and have you?..."
Ricky looks at the floor not wanting to look at Chris at all.
"r-ricky...Please t-tell me y-you haven't..." Chris begged
"i-im sorry c-chris..." chris hugs ricky tight not wanting to let him go.