Pip and Ravi • agggtm

'Tis the damn season

A/N HEY!!! SO I PROMISE AFTER THIS ONE THEY GET MORE CHEERFUL BUT THIS ONE IS THE HOLIDAYS THAT THEY BOTH ARE APART FROM EACH OTHER RIGHT AFTER THE THIRD BOOK. THE NEXT PART IS RAVI'S POV. ALSO I AM SO SO SORRY I'VE HAD NO WI-FI SO I'LL PROBABLY POST A WINTER HEADCANONS CHAPTER TN SO I CAN CATCH UP ON MY WRITING THAT I MISSED. HAVE A NICE DAY YOU ALL!!!

It took everything in Pip not to break down at the thought of going back to Fairview. A time of year that used to be her favorite had been twisted into one that she dreaded. The scent of peppermint wafting through the air, colorful lights brightening up a town stained red, warm smiles in cold surroundings. All of it bittersweet. On her wall were all the memories she could barely grasp onto. When Josh was five and they took him ice skating for the first time and he wouldn't let go of her hand, Cara, Connor, and Zach's faces all pressed up against hers at the winter fair when they were sixteen, her mom and dad's wedding with five year old her as the flower girl, and a photo taken by Cara of her and Ravi looking at each other as if nothing else they could see would ever compare. She'd ruined it all by protecting herself. She crossed the line of protection.

Every day a million questions of how she could've made it out without leaving her life behind. Every single time she picked up her phone she almost called him. Every single time her feet hit pavement she almost ran until she'd ran back into his arms. Every single time she tasted a sip of coffee she wanted to drown herself in it because it wasn't his. But she couldn't. Not without putting him in danger. So she didn't. She threw herself into her studies. Outperforming everyone in her classes, writing award-worthy articles, endless activism. It's not like he'd tried to reach out anyways. He didn't want to hear her voice through the phone, or have her in his arms, or make her her horrendous black coffee.

Now that holly and ribbon decked the halls of her dorm and snowflakes landed on the tip of her nose all she wanted to do was remain as far away from him as possible. There was no energy left to hurt or be hurt. Two of her roommates had already left and the other was almost fully packed. Some voice in her head screamed questions of if she even deserved to spend the holidays with her family. To see everyone she put at risk. The same voice that screamed if she even deserved Becca.

"I'm telling you you can stay at my apartment over the break. Tell your parents you have covid or something. I'll be in Fairview anyways, I'm spending it with my mom this year. I thought she'd be sad, but I don't know, it's like she's finally free," Becca propped herself up on Pip's desk. The two of them had a lot in common. Becca was in New York pursuing art, but before that she was a journalist too. They were both broken beyond repair but Becca gave her hope for how the future could be. They both could talk about Stanley. They both did horrible things for the right reasons. Plus they canceled out each other's faults. Becca tried to drug and kill her, Pip killed her abusive serial killer father.

Pip didn't have to tell her what happened. She pieced it together herself from the slurred speech of a drunken Dan Da Silva, and articles online. The night she figured it out they just held each other and cried for hours. Cried for the lives they'd never live, for the people they used to be, for everything they'd been through.

"Thank you, but I need to do this. I need to sort my life out. My family's already upset I didn't come for Thanksgiving, if I don't come for Christmas they'll be worried," Pip stuffed some clothes into her suitcase.

"Okay, but if you need anything just call me and I'll come get you, and I'll bring alcohol," she smiled expectantly towards Pip. It was nice to see her smile like that. Nowadays she'd let the light brown roots grow out until they entirely covered her short hair, drifting away from looking like Andie. But on her neck, in between her collarbones, lied a locket that kept a photo of Andie and her mother.

"Bex," she giggled. It felt almost unnatural coming out of her own mouth. It felt like light shining through her. It felt like hope.

                                                                                                                  ***

  By the time she reached Fairview she knew exactly why she didn't want to come. It was the same beautiful town during the holidays that she loved, but stares stayed on her on her as she passed before breaking to whisper some infectious, insipid thing into someone's ear. It was funny how she grew in popularity as soon as she left. The podcast got insanely well known with the Jason Bell case. They loved things that were intertwined. That way they could make even more theories until they went as mad as her.

Her house was a different story. Her father insisted on having the best decorated house for Christmas. They celebrated both Christmas and Kwanzaa for her brother and father. Of course there were still whispers about her, but they were protected by her parents reasonable worries.

As soon as she walked through the door she had Josh's arms around her. She almost melted right there. He was twelve now, and a lot taller, and she'd missed all of it. All of the stares and whispers faded away, they weren't important, this was. Within seconds, her mom and her dad's arms were around her too. She'd hurt them too. They were the people she loved the most and she couldn't tell them anything.

"Hey pickle! We've missed you. College made you too cool for us?" her father's laugh was infectious, but it was too difficult to ignore the subtext. She'd left them. The worst part was that she couldn't go back home. Couldn't let them get closer to her in case it all unraveled.

"Ha, never. I was already too cool for you guys. I've just been really busy. I'll tell you guys all about it," she spoke softly. This was peace. Pretending it never happened.

"Well come on in it's cold out. I made tiramisu, I'll make you sone coffee to go with it. I missed our coffee talks. Tell me everything about your life. Like where the heck your car is?" Her mom stroked her head like she did when she was six.

"Oh me and Becca Bell carpooled to save gas. She offered to drive me home but I wanted to walk. See Fairview again," she knew her parents didn't like the idea of Becca and her being friends, but as she watched their faces there was less of a reaction then she expected.

"Oh that's nice. I'm glad that you have someone with Cara gone. Is Ravi coming at any point?" Those were the words Pip was waiting for. The words that would make it real. Her parents assumed they had a fight when she didn't stay at his house and he didn't come over before she left for college. She didn't have the guts to tell them the truth, instead she learned how to cry quietly on the drive up.

"Uhm no. We haven't talked in a few months," she didn't meet her mothers eyes as she was dragged into the kitchen, her father and brother trailed behind.

"Oh, well in that case we can talk about college boys," her mother seemed happy, but Pip couldn't help but feel bad that she didn't tell her when it happened. She watched as her and her father made eye contact. A special kind of eye contact where they discussed her.

"Mom ew," Josh cried at the mention of boys.

"