ethereal

forty one

A/N: SORRY FOR THE WAIT! Been pretty busy.
-Cat :-)

Kylie's P.O.V.

I woke up and opened my eyes. I tried to sit up, but something was holding me back. I turned on my side to see Luke with his arms tightly wrapped around me, the tightest they've ever been before.

I laid my head down on his chest smiling, listening to his heartbeat.

"Good morning beautiful." Luke's morning voice broke the silence. God, I love his morning voice.

I reopened my eyes and looked up at Luke.

"Good morning." I grinned.

He pushed his lips against mine. "How long have you been awake, my beautiful girlfriend?"

"Only a few seconds." I cuddled my head against his chest once again.

He chuckled. "I'm guessing you're still tired?"

I nodded slowly and fell back asleep in his arms.

•

I woke up once again, still with Luke's arms wrapped around me.

"You still scrunch up your nose before you wake up." I jumped a little at Luke's voice, thinking that he had still been asleep.

I relaxed in his arms again before asking for the time.

"About noon."

"Okay, well we better get up." I started to get out of bed.

Luke pulled me down next to him again before giving me an adorable puppy dog face. "Please stay with me. I've missed laying next to you so much."

"Oh alright." I rolled my eyes playfully, a smile on my face. "But I did miss it too."

We laid in silence for a few minutes before Luke spoke up.

"When you get married, are you gonna want to have children?"

I laughed a bit at his randomness before nodding, "Yeah, definitely."

"How many?"

"Maybe three or four."

"Why that many?" He smiled.

I shrugged, returning the smile. "It's a good number. I grew up in a big family, we always had someone to play with. I want my kids to be able to have that too."

He grinned down at me. "That's cute."

I blushed and looked down.

"One more thing Kylie," Luke lifted my chin up so that I was looking at him. His face was a mixture of seriousness and sadness. "Could we try to just go back to how it was between us? Just forget all of the fighting? Please?"

I pulled my chin from his fingers before studying the blanket that laid over us. "I mean, I don't know Luke. I will try my hardest to forget, but I think that what was said between us will always be in the back of my mind. I'm sorry, I wish it could. It'll just take some time."

"Okay. Are we still dating though... or is that over too?" I could hear his strained voice, signaling that he was fighting back tears.

"Luke," I turned to look at him in the eyes. "Of course we are still dating. It's okay!"

I kissed his cheek, before my voice turned serious again. "I mean that it will take some time to get fully back to normal. I will always love you, I just need to make sure that it's the same with you."

"I will always love you Kylie, you don't need to doubt that."

We sat in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say. I already kinda guessed that he felt this way towards since last night, but I guess I'm just still a little hurt by what he said. I know he told me that he didn't mean it and that he actually warned me that he would say stupid things when we fought, but I never expected Luke to say something like that to me. It just really hurt me and lowered my self esteem to the negative numbers. I still kinda felt like that still.

"Hey," He started quietly, practically reading my mind. "I did not mean any of that stuff I said. I swear to God. I was so pissed off with myself for that, then these happened right after." He moved his arms a bit, meaning his cuts.

I sighed, "I know Luke, but it still really hurt. That's why these happened." I followed his prior arm motions.

"And I hate myself for putting you through that. I regret that so much. I would give up my life to erase it all. I'm sorry..." He bit his lip.

"Luke, I don't mean for you to hate yourself over these. It's stupid. Please, if you do love me, you won't hate yourself ever. Or hurt yourself. Promise?" I stuck out my pinkie.

He giggled before sticking out his own pinkie. We locked them before he slung his arm around my waist again.

"I promise." He whispered.

We laid in silence as Luke rubbed small shapes on my arm with his free hand. "I do love you though."

I looked down again, "I love you too."

I really did, I just didn't fully believe him again. I do, but I don't. It's complicated. I don't know.

"What can I do to make you believe me again?" He sensed my feelings.

I sighed, "I... I don't know."

"I will do absolutely anything. I just want to make everything all better again. I just want to kiss you again, without feeling like you don't trust me whatsoever and that you don't want to even kiss me at all."

"I trust you Luke and I want to kiss you, but I just..."

"Please," He pleaded. "I'll do whatever it takes."

I studied the blanket again, in hopes of having someone give me the words to say. I am just so confused. And frustrated.

"Luke..." I started when I realized it was all up to me to answer him with the right words. "What you said, even though I know you didn't mean it... it really hurt me. It hurt me bad. I feel like shit, and I know that you wouldn't want me to feel like that, but I can't help it. When you told me that you would say stupid things that you didn't mean when we fought, I didn't thing they would be that drastic. I just... didn't expect you to say something that harsh."

Satisfied, yet still insecure, I looked back into his eyes. They were glassy, and he had taken his lip ring between his teeth.

"I am so sorry." I watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. I wiped it from his face softly before he continued. "I didn't mean to- I didn't want you to- I didn't think you would-"

He sighed.

"Kylie, please don't ever feel like shit. You are perfect, my everything. You are beautiful, and smart, and funny, and one of the most amazing people I know. I love you. What I said was so uncalled for, and I didn't mean any of that shit I said. I love you so much, please, don't ever think I meant any of that. I love you, please know that that will never change. Even if you hate me and never want to see me again, I will always love you."

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A/N: And on that cheesy yet adorable note, I end this chapter.
-Cat x