ethereal

thirty two

Kylie's P.O.V.

School went by faster than usual. I am already waiting for the bus to drop me off at my stop. Today was Friday, I was going to hang out with Ginger once I got to her house. She didn't know about Luke, Ashton, Calum, or Michael. I planned to tell her about them, I just don't know when.

My bus stopped at the side walk and I stepped off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ginger walking up to me. I panicked, seeing the bus had moved a few feet to a red light.

I have to change, I can't fucking let Ginger see me like this! But what if the kids on the bus see? What if Cody sees? I would be teased to no end.. But I have no choice.

I dropped my backpack to the ground and pulled the sweatshirt over my head and the sweatpants off. I stuffed them into my bag before pulling it back onto my shoulder.

"Hey!" Ginger waved and ran up to me. "I thought I'd walk with you to my house."

I smiled at her and nodded. "So what do you wanna do?"

"Let's just talk and watch movies? With pizza!"

She should meet Mikey.

"Sure."

•

"So, I never asked," Ginger turned to me with a mouthful of pizza.

She swallowed, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

She grinned at me with giddy smile.

Did Luke still classify as a boyfriend? We haven't spoken in a long time now.

"Yeah," I smiled down at her bedsheets with a blush. "His name is Luke."

"He's back in Australia though." My smile faded.

"Aw!" She hugged me. "I still ship it. Lylie!"

I laughed out before taking a bite of pizza. I'm glad she's my friend. I remember our goodbye. I suddenly jumped up, scaring Ginger. I pulled her with me downstairs, grabbing my backpack along the way. I sprinted to my house, hearing her yell out to me. I ran faster, my heart beating faster from the intense running and my excitement.

We entered my house and I pulled Ginger up the stairs, who was in awe. I went into my room and found the box shoved up into the corner by the movers. I brought it to my bed and watched as Ginger sat down in front of me in confusion.

"You realize I have a car, right?"

I rolled my eyes and pointed to the box with Kylie written on it in Luke's sloppy handwriting. "This is from Luke! He gave it to me before I left and I forgot about it!"

A smile was on her face as she yelled at me to open it. I followed her commands and revealed a box full of things and letters. I read the first letter, seeing it addressed 'Letter #1' in messy handwriting. I swiped my finger under the sealed part and took out the piece of paper.

I read it aloud to Ginger, "Dear Kylie, I can't believe you're really leaving. I know I'm gonna miss you like crazy, I'm probably crying as you read this. I love you too much to explain. All I can say is that you make me happy. When you cry, I cry when you're not looking. When somebody's been mean to you, it makes me wanna kill those bastards. Sorry, this is supposed to be a love letter. I know I'll probably will never see you again. You were my first love. And probably my last. I don't think I could ever love anyone more than I love you. It hurts to know that you've cried. I swore to myself, I'll kill anybody who makes you cry. And I watched you cry because of me. You were sad because of me. I'll never forgive myself for that. Please don't be sad. Love Luke."

I looked up at Ginger and saw she had tears in her eyes. I never thought that I would see her cry. Then again, she probably never thought that she would see me cry. And here I am, my tears dropping onto the next envelope labeled 'Letter #2' I opened it read to her just like last time, but instead with a quivering voice.

"Dear Kylie, I love you. I love you so fucking much that it hurts. My heart aches when I'm not near you. When you have to go, my throat hurts as I hold back my tears. When we fight, I say the wrong things. I will always love you, even if I say otherwise. When I see you with another guy, even when we first met, I felt like screaming and ripping my hair out. My head pounds as my heart nearly stops. I nearly have a heart attack everyday at school. When you used to be here."

I stopped for a moment seeing old wet stains that had been preserved in the envelopes. Luke cried when he wrote this.

"I love you. I'd rather take my own life than have you hurt yourself. I remember the day I found you. You had blood streaming from your wrists. I had climbed up the side of your house because you had locked all of the doors. I'm deathly afraid of heights. But I'm more afraid of losing you. I know that's fucking cheesy, but I can't help it. I, Luke Robert Hemmings, love you so much that I'd rather face all of my fears and die than watch you hurt yourself. I love you too fucking much. Please don't hurt yourself. Love Luke."

I had begun to sob as Ginger cried with me. She pulled me into another hug, squeezing me until I stopped. I picked up the final letter, 'Letter #3'. I read to Ginger again.

"Dear Kylie, I feel like I'm dreaming. But my dream has turned out to be a nightmare. You're leaving, you really are. I know I've said this a million times but, I love you. Nobody else could ever take your place in my heart. When you left, you took the part of my heart that I had devoted to you. That part was my whole heart. Nothing could be worse than the pain of letting the love of your life leave. You're really gone. We haven't even said goodbye yet, but when I do, I know I'll cry. When I get home after you leave, I'll sob. My voice will forever have a quiver in it. I miss you already. I already feel the pain. I have a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I don't know if you love me as much as I love you. I don't think anyone ever could. But I really hope you do. I will cry everyday when you're gone and I know that for a fact. I will never run out of tears. I will always love you. You're beautiful. You're the most most beautiful person I've ever even heard the idea of. I can't believe you're gone. I wish that I could wake up with amnesia. Love Luke."

I set the paper down with tears in my eyes. I trembled as I broke down into tears. Ginger cried with me, nobody else home to hear either of us.

"I love him so much." I sobbed, bringing my knees to my chest and buried my face into them.

"I can tell you two love each other a lot. You don't deserve to be split like this. I'm crying and I wasn't even in the relationship."

I nodded and looked inside the box. I saw a jacket of his. It was his favorite leather one. I held it in my hands and smelled it. I missed his scent. I saw multiple CDs of his favorite bands. On each, he had written in black sharpie his favorite songs featured on them. I picked up a hand drawn picture of Luke and I. In the bottom was Ashton's signature. There were Polaroids of all of us, including Luke, Michael, Calum, Ashton, and I. A photo of me and Luke had the word Lovebirds written on it. I found a piece of paper at the bottom of the box. It read:

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia.
And forget about the stupid little things.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you.
And the memories I never can escape.