Herzeleid ~ Rammstein Fan Fiction

Chapter 10

"So, what do you want, now?" Josef snapped, arms crossed, sitting across Paul in a small bar, staring at the guitarist's pale, shaking hands.
"Y...you already know." Paul answered weakly, as a hiccup brought broke his sentence in half.
He didn't want to, but he missed his friend so much and even if that would've hurt he knew that it was now or never. He didn't have much time left.
And every night, those when he was able to sleep, the sense of guilt would haunt his tired, confused mind, bringing him at the edge of madness.
"Listen, Paul, if you brought me here to apologise again you're wasting your time. I...trusted you but yet you threw my faith away." The young man stopped, giving the oldest man the time he needed to talk back or understand. "Have you got any idea of what that meant for me? Or what it means to be betrayed by the person you feel more attached?!"
Paul had to close his eyes; the medicines and pain were a constant obstacle to his body.
"I trusted you with my whole heart, Landers, really. But it sucks." The oldest looked up at Josef and swallowed. "I don't know if you think it is easy to be...this! My dad threatened to break my legs, my mother said I am lacking respect if I start with testosterone. I hoped you were different, but once again I'm...disappointed."
Paul breathed deeply, feeling a wave of nausea invade him. Since the first day he had started with chemotherapy he had always felt weaker as days passed by and more and more nauseated than ever. The Ghost of himself.

"I shouldn't have outed you, I know." He murmured. A flash of rage blinked in the pyrotechnic eyes. "AND NOW YOU REALISE!?"
Paul startled and signed Josef to lower his voice; he didn't want for the people in the bar to recognise him and to assault him.
"Okay, fine, I'm sorry." Paul coughed.
"Paul, you should have said you had cancer! You've been a fucking bastard!"

"I know! I was scared..."
"You suck, Paul. I thought you were different!"
"I know, I did an awful thing! I'm sorry."
"You really think that one word can solve the way you made me feel?"
"Please, give me one more chance! If...if I could travel back in time and...and change what I did..."

"You can't change it!" The youngest declared, slamming his hand on the table and causing Paul to bow his head. "But fine. I'll give you one last chance, Paul. You're the one I had the strongest bound and..."

"Isn't that my sweet niece Lena?" Paul saw Josef's face change from rage into a mask of fear. The smallest guitarist tilt his head and frowned, as an old woman sat with them. She was a tall, skinny woman, with short brown hair and a pair of glasses. "I already told you, aunt." Josef snarled. "My name's not Lena, I'm a man. My name is Josef."
The woman chuckled, ignoring Paul's disgusted gaze. "Oh, you know I won't support this nonsense. It's all in your mind!" The aunt chuckled, moving her eyes on Paul. "But I see you found yourself a boyfriend." Paul couldn't understand why that woman wasn't seeing the enormous gap of age or beard Josef had grown on his face, or his deep voice.
"I'm not Josef's boyfriend and I will appreciate if you stop misgender or lack of respect my friend! He's a man, you either stop disrespect him or you leave!"
Josef was amazed; Paul had really redeemed himself to the pyrotechnic's eyes. The aunt blushed, outraged. "I don't...don't..."
Nobody knew what Paul was about to say because it got hit by a violent fit of cough, not a normal one; blood began to copiously stream from his mouth.
He stood up, trying to enlarge his lungs, but he fell on his knees, the air stuck in his throat. Josef ignored his aunt and was immediately next to Paul, shouting for the bartender to call an ambulance, under the woman concerned look.

"PAUL!" Josef rose his attention from Paul's unconscious body, laying on a bed, manually ventilated, waiting for the results and to be allowed in an appropriated side of the hospital.
Richard ran next to them, his face a mess of the melted makeup. "Wh...what...what..? Hey, sweetheart." The youngest guitarist leaned in to press a kiss on his lover's pale forehead, but Paul didn't move, too weak even to open his eyes.
"Paulie, hey...babe..." The shortest moaned, unconsciously.
"What happened?" Richard asked, voice trembling in his throat. "The nurse had to say something! They changed him and he...he has needles and tubes all over his body!"
The dark haired guitarist grabbed by the arm a nurse who was walking along the corridor. "What happened!?" He roared. "Why is my partner in those conditions?!"