Herzeleid ~ Rammstein Fan Fiction

Chapter 6

"Too hot?" The lead guitarist worried, holding a spoonful of warm broth in front of Paul, who was sitting upright, with his back against the pillows.
"It's fine..." The shortest smiled happily accepting his lover's help.
The back of Richard's hand met Paul's forehead, as a warm weight.
"What's bothering you, my dear? Except from...you know."
Paul sighed and swallowed.
"I'm not surprised if he hates me and...I'm sure he hopes for me to die. How can we blame him?"

"Nobody wants you to die, Paulie."
"He's mad, Richard. I outed him, even though I knew I shouldn't have done it."

Richard smiled awkwardly and rubbed a hand on Paul's belly.
"What are you doing?" Paul asked with a confused grimace on his face.
"Just trying to sooth your aching stomach, baby." The tallest explained, not stopping the motion of his hand. "It...it feels better actually, thanks love." Paul said, earning a gentle kiss on his temple.
"Nobody wants you dead, love. I promise." Richard said firmly offering another spoonful of now cold broth to his lover. Paul swallowed the salty, chicken flavoured liquid and hummed happily.

"Are you sure you feel strong enough?" Richard worried observing as Paul swung his legs from the bed. The shortest stumbled and Richard was quick at catching him. "My hero." The oldest joked, nuzzling his nose against Richard's neck.
Paul then changed into black joggers and a grey hoodie. "I'll be fine, Reesh." Paul chuckled, struggling to keep his balance while dressing up.
"Besides, they may start to suspect something, so I better at least fake I'm fine." Richard hummed unsure when Paul sat back on the bed to take back his breath again. "I'm still not convinced, but if that's what you want...I want that you drink some water before we go."
"Oh, Christ, Reesh. I'm fine. I promise I'll tell you if I don't feel okay." Richard's iced coloured eyes met Paul's.
The shortest was silently begging for Richard to allow him some fun and the lead guitarist never knew how to say no to Paul.
"Alright." He sighed, defeated. "But you must tell me." He warned rising an index to point at the smallest guitarist.
Paul shook his head and stood in front of his partner, wrapping his arms around Richard's neck. "I promise I will, my dear. Trust me."
Relieved and sure of Paul's promise Richard brushed his lips against the smallest's. "I love you my dear. Thanks for trusting me."

"Oh, finally, you decided to join us!" Till shouted clapping his hands, when he saw Richard and Paul at the bottom of the stairs. Paul shyly waved at them, glad to see that there wasn't that much light in the room. That meant nobody could see his face.
He shuffled his feet and sat on the couch, crossing his legs.
"Are you transforming into a vampire, Paul Landers?" Schneider teased and laughed at the guitarists' confused expressions. "Yes, I mean, it's since the first day we came back that you sleep all day and you don't even eat with us anymore. It's weird."

"It's called sickness, Doom. Have you ever heard of it?" Paul tried to brush it off. "I am sick, its probably because of the fire on stage, maybe it was too close."
Very poor choice of words and fucking wrong moment, because Josef entered the room right on time to hear only that very last sentence and Paul immediately regretted he had came out of his room.
"Oh, yes, right!" He snapped, feeling his face boil with rage, his teeth clenched automatically and so his fists.
"I really don't know what problem you have with me, Paul, but I don't see a reason why you should act like a total shit with me!"
Paul blushed and looked at the youngest, unable to speak. Josef looked like a zombie.
Eyes red and a strong grimace of hate on his face.
"Sepp, I wasn't...I didn't say it was your fault, I..." He shut his mouth immediately, after a hiccup, feeling the familiar yet unpleasant texture of blood on his tongue.
"Yes, fine." The pyrotechnic said, walking past them and into the kitchen.
He opened the fridge and took a can of Coke, chugging it entirely.
A few drops ran down his mouth corners, on his still red face. He then crushedthe can in his hand.
"You know, Paul, if you didn't like me, you could have told me before I tried to seek for a safe space in you." The youngest growled, after smacking his lips, sticky for the coke. "That would've been more mature, don't you think?"
The smallest guitarist didn't speak, he didn't want to open his mouth and risk for the others to see blood on his tongue. So Paul swallowed and, once Josef walked next to him, he muttered a 'sorry', which the youngest ignored.
The smallest guitarist cursed himself for the whole situation. He had always had a nice relationship with Josef and now all was lost, just because he was scared of being kicked out.
But Richard was right, that wasn't something he had chosen!
It wasn't his fault! Or was it?
None of the others had spoke, nor looked at Paul, or Josef. All of them to busy trying to avoid conflict by burying themselves in else.
Oliver with his book, Schneider decided it was the best time to phone his wife and Flake tried to teach Till how to silence his mobile, all done without speaking.
"Are you going to tell me what I did to you or what?!" The youngest barked. "Paul, fucking answer me! I already have my own problems at the moment!"
The rhythm guitarist sighed and looked at him, eyes wet in tears. "I made a mistake." Paul was finally able to whisper. "The truth is that I was...scared of the consequences. But it wasn't fair towards you and I'm sorry for that. I...put my own feelings in front of you. I didn't respect you. I'm sorry."
Paul's and Josef's eyes were locked with each other's.
The oldest was chewing on his lip, shaking at the sight of Josef's face. It looked like a gargoyle, carved in stone.
The pyrotechnic's eyes were shooting flames and lightnings, a line of teeth grinding against the other.

It didn't escape Josef's attention the movement of Richard's hand towards the oldest guitarist's, tangling their fingers together.
"It's funny, you know?" The pyrotechnic finally hissed, earning everyone's attention. "You were scared of what they'd have said when you know very well how my anger attacks are! ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!"
Paul winced and shut his eyes. "I can't believe it." The shortest took his phone and earpods, leaving the house.

"What the hell was he talking about!?" Schneider asked in disbelief, glancing at the two guitarist cuddled in each other's arms.
None of them quite got what Richard was murmuring in Paul's ear, running his fingers in the shortest's hair.
Flake opened his mouth to speak, instead he got cut by his phone ringing and causing him to sigh.
"Can someone please bring Josef his shirt?" He huffed, unwilling to leave Till's lap.
"I'll go." Paul offered, escaping Richard's embrace and taking the shirt in his hands. "Where did you say he is, Flake?"

"Uh, Marktplatz, five minutes away."
"Fine. Thank you."

"I'll come with you!" Richard said running after Paul, once his partner had left, searching for Josef.
He opened the car's door offering the seat to Paul
As he drove Richard couldn't get his eyes off Paul. He looked even paler under the sunlight of that afternoon, shaking despite the thick jumper he was wearing.
He was holding tight on Josef's shirt. Paul gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, when a flash of pain hit his stomach and spread through his whole body, cursing out loud and Richard hit the breaks, not caring if he'd cause an accident.
"Paulchen, hey, are you sure you feel okay?" He worried, rolling down the window when the shortest gasped and panted, out of breath.
"Yes, I'm fine...I'm okay..." Paul cracked a smile. "Life will need something harder to kill me." He joked, but Richard wasn't sure whether to laugh or not, so instead he merely smiled and leaned in to kiss Paul's cheek.
Once he had adjusted on his seat, he resumed driving.

"Oh you have to be kidding me!" Josef shouted, when he saw Paul exiting the car, followed by Richard as soon as he had closed the car.
Even from that short distance he could see Paul shaking, unsteady on his legs, shyly passing Josef his shirt.
"Flake said you needed your shirt, so I thought..."

"You thought what?! That I wanted you to bring me my things!?"
"I...I just tried to be nice, Sepp..."
"Who asked you!? I asked Flake for a reason! I'd have asked you, if I were in the mood to see your face!"

Paul lowered his eyes and sighed, feeling hopeless.
"You have no fucking idea of what it means to be outed like that! It's not the first time it happens and..." He snorted and rose his hands, putting an end to that discussion. "You know what? I don't even know why I'm talking to you two bastards about this, you know?! It's pointless, now."
Paul swallowed but didn't interrupt Josef. The pyrotechnic turned away cursing against the two, leaving Paul and Richard under thick snowflakes which had began to fall on them, from an iron coloured sky.

Warm tears brought a slight relief to Paul's face, sore for the cold hair. His heart felt suddenly so heavy in his chest and rose his hands to shield his face. He felt safe, only once he felt Richard's hands on his hips, pulling him closer.
Paul's back colliding against the tallest's chest. The tallest's arms rose to wrap around Paul's torso, shielding him from the cold hair.
"It's not your fault." The lead guitarist murmured in his lover's ear. The tallest's warm breath tickled and sent goosebumps down the oldest's back.
The lead guitarist brushed his lips against Paul's cheek and almost had to drag him to the car, while Paul couldn't stop cry.
Little did Richard know the tears weren't only due sadness of what Paul had caused to Josef, but his stomach had began to ache terribly and he was glad he could sit again.