Herzeleid ~ Rammstein Fan Fiction

Chapter 20

"Reesh, can I ask you a question?" Paul asked, sitting on the grass wrapped in Richard's arms staring at the blue sky. "Sure you can, dear, what is it?"
Paul opened his mouth to answer but closed it immediately with a chuckle. "I don't remember. Wasn't important anyway. How are the others?"
Richard hummed. "Sepp has left...don't know where he's now."

"Oh, right! That's what I wanted to tell you. I dreamed of him. I miss him a bit..."
"Yeah, me too. He has changed after Rommel's death. I hope he can find peace now."

The rhythm guitarist looked up at his lover and smiled gently at him. "I love you, Reesh."

The couple spent the whole afternoon in the botanic garden, despite Richard wanting Paul to sleep a bit.
With Minnie asleep on Paul's legs, Richard drove back home, joking and chatting with the shortest guitarist.
"Reesh, do you remember the first time we met?" Paul asked, all of a sudden. "Sure, when you and Flake joined. "
Paul nodded and chuckled. "Remember how we...we couldn't stand each other?" Paul coughed, and for a moment, Richard looked away from the street. "Are you okay?" He worried and Paul nodded, dismissively. "I'm fine...fine, yes. Just tired..."

"The others wanted to...meet on the evening at Doom's place. To celebrate, you know?"
"Yeah, cool..."
"Are you sure you're okay?"

Paul closed his eyes, humming in response. "I'd like to see the others." He added in a whisper. "But...I don't know, I feel so tired. And I really want to know who signed the papers."

"Paulchen, we're home." Richard gently shook the shortest, who had fallen asleep in the car, with his head against the window. "Paul, hey, wake up!" Richard felt the blood being drawn from his whole body. He grabbed both of his lover's shoulders and shook him harder. "Paul, wake up!"
Finally, with a start, the rhythm guitarist opened his eyes and looked up at his lover. "Reesh..." He rubbed his eyes and untied the seat belt. "I'm sorry, I...I fell asleep."

"You scared me to death!"
"I'm sorry, darling, I really need rest. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Oh, God, I hate you."

Richard hugged him tightly, as soon as Paul stepped outside the car. "My baby...I feared the worst...and yet here you are, safe at last, back in my arms."
Paul left a shy kiss on Richard's cheek, smiling against the warm skin.
The lead guitarist cupped Paul's face in his hands, still madly shaking. They hadn't stopped in weeks. "You're back to us. To me!" Paul took Richard's wrists and kissed the knuckles. "Your hands are trembling, Reesh." He murmured. "It's not that bad. You should see the others." Paul frowned and, leaning against Richard, with Minni walking next to them, they entered their Common Home. "What do you mean? The others?"
Richard took off his coat and boots and forced Paul on the couch before he explained: "Well, uhm...Flake looked...they all did actually. Doom and Oli too and Till..."
Paul looked puzzled. "Reesh, I don't understand anything! Breath my love, I'm here. It's okay.

"We all...Paul..."
"Richard, you're scaring me. What's going on?"
"I...the others are...when you were in...in hospital, Doom had...well, he..."

Paul didn't let him finish; he jumped up and with a strength he didn't know he had pinned Richard to the wall. "What's going on, Reesh!?"
The lead guitarist shut his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, we were so scared and worried and...and sad. We missed you, we all did!"
The shortest didn't let go of Richard's coat. "What's with Doom, then?! What happened?"
Reesh leaned forward and kissed him gently. "You'll see tonight. Please, Paulchen, now rest. Later we can talk about it."

"No." The lead guitarist was in disbelief. "No? Paul, calm down. Nobody is dying, please. Listen to your body."
Paul leaned in Richard's arms, still too weak. "Okay... but I want to see Doom. I'm worried now."

"We all were. Nobody has kept his sanity, let's say so."
"Sanity? Did any of us have some left?"

The black haired man chuckled. "No, I guess no." He caressed his back, shivering as he felt the texture of Paul's spine under his fingers. "Lay down, my love. Rest a bit, we'll meet the others soon."

"Till cried." Richard murmured against his lover's scalp while laying on the couch. "And Flake... he was really...I never saw him like this. Sorry, darling."
Paul hummed with his eyes closed. "Emil?" He asked, in a low voice, too tired to straighten up again. "Where's Emil..?" He murmured, enjoying Richard's hand on his back. "Shh, my love, you'll see him later. He'll be there too." Paul snuggled between Richard and the couch, holding onto the tallest's shirt.
"Sleep, my love. You're safe now, you're home, and everything is fine." He kissed Paul's forehead and smiled when the shortest's mouth curled in a smile.
"Reesh..." The smallest mumbled after a good forty minutes of silence. "Can...can you...help me?"
Richard cracked an eye open and yawned. "Sure, what do you need."
"Shower...but...mh..." The lead guitarist turned his head to look at his lover and frowned. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yea, but...I'm sorry it's embarrassing."
"Not at all."
"I can't even stand on my own legs, Reesh... I'm tired, I'm sorry..."

Before he knew it, Richard had scooped him in his arms and carried him to the bathroom. "Paulchen, can you take off your clothes?" Richard worried and felt relieved when the smallest nodded. "I can..." Leaning against the wall, Paul managed to undress from his jumper and shirt while Richard filled the tub.
In the corner of his eye he caught hold of Paul, sitting on the floor, with his eyes closed, breathing deeply.
"I can help, honey." But Paul shook his head. "No. I...I can do it...just give me a moment."
Still sitting he somehow removed his trousers and pants, shivering for the chill air against his pale skin.
Meanwhile, Richard had left the bath to retrieve a soft towel and remove his clothes as well.
"Reesh..? Why does it still hurt..?" The lead guitarist took his lover's hand and helped him up, kissing the knuckles gently. "It's normal, don't worry. The doctor said it may ache a bit in the first period, but the worst has passed."

"But...I'm scared, Reesh. It..."
"Hey, listen to me, you just discovered you're cancer free, right?"
"Yes, but..."
"Paul. You were a dead man walking until mere days ago. Give your body the time it needs. Okay?"
"I don't want to. I want to go back on stage and...and be with the others!"

The tallest stroked his cheeks. "One step at the time, Paulchen. You're halfway there."
Chasing support from the wall, Paul managed to stand up. "Komm, my love." Richard helped him in the tub and pulled him on his chest. "Good boy." He whispered, kissing Paul's head. It didn't take long for the shortest to fall asleep, soothed by the warm water and his lover's attentions and cuddles.
Richard fell asleep soon after, arms tightly wrapped around Paul's torso.
They stayed in each other's arms until the water ran colder and Richard woke Paul up.
As careful as possible, he wrapped the smallest guitarist in the towel and carried him to their shared bedroom. He laid Paul on the bed and sat with him, caressing his hair. "We have almost two hours before we need to leave, dear." Richard explained. "Wear something comfortable, then we can relax until it's time."
Paul nodded and forced himself to sit up and get dressed.
He turned towards Richard with arms opened. "Up." He demanded ans he didn't need to repeat himself; Richard picked him up and kissed his cheek.
"My baby..." His heart dropped in his stomach, as he realised how light Paul had become. He had a shiver and hid his face in the crack of the smallest's neck. "Can we cuddle now..?" Paul muttered.
The lead guitarist nodded and sniffled. "Yes." He answered, voice breaking. He laid his lover back on the bed and took place next to him, or at least tried; Minnie had already snuggled in her owner's arms, whining and licking his hands. "My baby girl..." The rhythm guitarist smiled weakly, caressing Minni's head.
"I'm jealous now." Richard joked, sneaking behind Paul and pulling him to his chest. "Go to sleep, Liebchen."
He murmured before pressing a kiss against Paul's temple, but he had already fallen asleep again.