Together Or Not At All

How I Leave

She really cared about me. She thought I was going to start a rebellion with her, that we could beat the capitol. She trusted me even if she had never spoken to me except for the times she almost killed me. She helped me win the games.

I would be like all the tributes that are now someplace better. I would have been shipped home in a wooden crate, my mother, Prim, Gale. Would all have seen my limp lifeless body. Seen that i wasn't strong enough. And I'm not. It was all Clove. Without her. I would be dead.

For the first time since Prim... I let a tear slide down my cheek. Before the rest leave me I turn and face the cornucopia. Where I last saw her, where I saw her die. And I did nothing. I let her die, die after all she did for me. For her to just die and for me to do nothing. A small selfish part in the back of my mind tells me I could not have done anything, I was loosing too much blood and was terrified out of my mind that if clove didn't kill me Thresh surely would have. I push this to the back of my mind, to the very dark very selfish part of my mind, so it won't be with me when I do what I am going to do. I don't deserve to be in this world. Where it's changing for the better, a better place. Where Peeta and I can make a family. A family I don't deserve. Peeta will have Willow to comfort him. Willow won't remember me. She will be alright. I'll only regret leaving Peeta but he deserves better than me. Much better then me, someone to help him raise our children to hold him in those dark nights instead of always doing to comforting and never getting any in return. Someone to love him the way I have only just been able to. Someone kind and loving; someone like him.

I place Cloves letter into my inside pocket. Peeta will get it this way, he will know i was never meant to live. He will know that i am a mistake. That he deserves someone better and caring and someone like him.

I walk towards the cornucopia,

"Katniss, where are you going?" Aron calls to me.

I don't reply nor look back and keep on walking. At this point i am at the base of the cornucopia and i start climbing up the sun softened metal. As i climb the events that unfolded 4 years ago start to roll around in my head, how Clove sacrificed herself for me, how she helped me when i wanted to murder her. Thats what i am. A dirty murderer who does not deserve this ever changing world.

I am on the top of the cornucopia now and have no plan of stopping, as i walk to the edge i look around me. I look around where i was supposed to die. Where i should have died instead of Clove. Where i should have met my end. Not Clove. Never Clove. She sacrificed herself for me. Now i can tell her sorry.

"Katniss, what are you doing." It's Aron and he is standing behind me. "Katniss come down, let me help you" he says putting his hand out to me. "We can go back to district 12, back to Peeta and Willow just please come down"

"The only way i am getting down is this way." I say to him. Knowing I will never get down without it being the last step I take. Peeta and Willow needs someone better then me and this is my last wish.

"No Katniss. Come on we are going home now. We are going to go back to district 12" he says stepping towards me.

"No" i say and then i step backwards.

Ok so um i wrote this like a year ago and its not very good and needs a lot of editing because it's not all in the same tense but yeah idk thanks for reading :)