Distorted Affection

17

As me and Lucien are walking to the bus stop I can't tell if it's awkward or not. I don't wanna say anything because what if I make it awkward by saying something? Lucien looks.. I don't know, I can't read their emotions. I feel weird, why am I not traumatized from what happened? Did it actually happen? I don't know what this weird feeling I have is but I'm getting shivers from thinking about my almost-death. I decide to break the silence. I look up at Lucien "When are we there?" I say in a serious tone. I then start overthinking everything. Why did I say that?! Should I have said something else? Do they hate me now?! Why do I care?! While I'm screaming on the inside I hear "Now" Lucien says.

I look in front of me. We're here, there's a bench with a glass roof over it. The bench looks like it could fit up to maybe two and a half people. One the left side sits an old man holding a bottle of soju. He looks about sixty. His eyes look empty and his mouth is slightly open. His hair is thin and grey. I try not to stare, but he looks as if depression was a person. It for some reason fascinates me. He realizes I'm staring and blurts out "당신은 무엇을 원하십니까?!" In a drunken tone, hiccuping right after. I get stunned and immediately look away. "사과드리다" Lucien says. The old man tsk's with a disgusted look on his face before taking another sip. Lucien drags me away so we stand about two feet from the bench. "You speak Korean?" I ask them as I step away. "Barely, I don't even know if what I said was correct or not" they respond. With an amazed look on my face and my mouth open I say "Huh, well I'm impressed" Lucien smiles and we wait for the bus and try not to be too loud because we're both slightly scared of the drunk guy on the bench.

The bus comes and we start getting on before hearing a loud thud behind us. Both me and Lucien turn around and see the old man passed out on the ground. We don't know wether too continue getting on or try to help him out. When we see blood slowly leaking out from under his head both me and Lucien run out of the bus to check if he's okay. The bus driver yells "Are you getting in or not?!" Frustrated before getting out the door to check what we're doing when he also notices the man on the ground. "Oh shit-" The bus drives says before getting his phone out and calling the ambulance. "Yeah there's a guy passed out here on the pavement... there's like a pool of blood coming out of his head too... mhm... thank you" the bus driver hangs up and puts his phone away before letting the other passengers know there's gonna be a delay. I look down on my bloody hands. I know I did nothing but this is too much for me, first I almost die, now I have a dying man's blood on my hands? I feel like a murderer. What if I did it? I won't ever be able to live knowing I killed a man *cough cough*