"cum" as you are *tumbles over and dies*

Kurt cobains last moments

Whenever its 3:45.23 AM on the third Monday of August I always grab a can of coke, one of the long ones. And shove it deep inside my virgin hole. This year was no different. I go over to my fridge to grab a nice cold can of coka cola and I get the party started. I get my industrial sized tub of bad dragon lube and squirt it onto both of my hands. then I massage my tight cavity making sure to make every inch nice and slippery. Then I get the can and prepare myself for the best moment of the year. I squat over the can, arching my back, and place it gently next to my asshole. I lift my fat bussy over the can and give it a swing. Then I force the can into my tight little virgin boy pussy. And I moan loudly as I push it in deeper and deeper. I started to bounce up and down faster and faster.and just as I'm about to shoot my fat salty ropes all over my Peter griffin figurine, the coke can dissapears into my gaping hole... I was flabbergasted, maybe even bamboozled or kerfuffled... I tried to reach in and grab it but it was to deep to reach. I knew what I had to do but I didn't know if I had the will to do it. I slowly get up from the floor and walk over to my dog, ginger. And say "I'm so sorry little one" as I grab her and shove her deep in my hot loosened booty-hole... hours go by with no sign of hope of my dog coming back. And then I feel a rumbling in my juicy crevice. And out comes ginger with the coke can!! I was so relieved! Then I grabbed to 12 Guage and shot myself.

Credit to my dearest fiend, cumslayer69, written 4/20/1869, Paris, France