Safety Net {l.r.h}

69) So This Is It

ELLIE ABNER

My legs bounce up and down as I sit with my elbows digging into my thighs and my head in my hands. So this is it. This is their big break. The moment that could change everything. The boys' show in San Francisco was scheduled to be in a much bigger venue suited for a greatly appreciated band like Guns N Roses and an even bigger crowd.

The thing about this big show is that throughout the entire populated area of California, the people had decided to sell it out. My mind often wandered back to spring break; our last moments of true freedom, before the boys had signed the contract and got themselves reeled into the mess that is the celebrity lifestyle. We were happy. Now, we're all different. And I'm definitely not happy.

"You alright?" Someone asks as they enter the room. I lift my head and look in the direction of the voice, forcing a smile when I see Michael.

I look down at the coffee table before me that's currently covered in paperwork and my laptop that has one too many tabs open. This is all I've ever been doing when the boys are gone, and I'm over it. Sighing, I lean back against the couch in exhaustion. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Everyone's at the pool downstairs," he informs me, "what're you doing up here?"

I shrug my shoulders in an attempted nonchalant manner. "Chilling by myself."

"I can see that." He responds, eyeing the mess sitting between us. I break eye contact when his eyebrows start to furrow in concern as they reach my face and silently hope he didn't see how bloodshot my eyes are, but it was already too late. "Have you been sleeping?"

"No more than you have," I answer honestly.

He squints his eyes, trying to read me. "Smoking?"

"No."

With a sigh, Michael comes over to sit next to me on the couch and bites the inside of his cheek nervously. "So, you've been crying."

"You forgot about drinking." I joke in an attempt to lighten the mood. It wasn't all a joke, I may have had a shot or two before I began working.

He gives me an unconvinced look, studies my appearance once more and hesitates before opening his mouth to speak again. "You don't have to do this you know."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Do what?"

"Be our manager," he says bluntly, "if it's too much, I totally get it, that's a lot for one person."

I shake my head. "No, I love being your manager," I lie, straightening my posture. "I mean, it can get stressful, but-"

"Ellie, you don't have to lie to me." Michael nudges my side which forces me to meet his gaze. "We don't lie to each other, right?"

"Right," I nod, "okay." A long exhale leaves my lips and I let my shoulders slump. "I don't think I can," I mutter, feeling the tears of constant exhaustion and frustration well up in my eyes. "I've tried to make it easy for myself, and it's just not."

Michael's features soften and he quickly reacts, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Hey," he says softly, rubbing up and down my arm. "You and I both know that this isn't your thing."

"You're right," I manage to stammer out as a few stray tears run down my face. My tearful eyes scan over the mess of a table in front of us. "I hate this shit."

The two of us share a quick laugh before it dies down to a semi-comfortable silence. "So, when are you planning on quitting?"

"I don't know." A shaky breath leaves my lips as my head hangs ever so slightly. "Definitely not until we leave San Fransisco, it would kill Luke and put a damper on the only free week we'll have together."