my inside job - a brett hand fanfic

part 3

anything ur comfortable with telling me, i'd  

like to know

I dont know what to tell you though

that's fine, would you like me to start?

Sure

(Heated conversation, am I right?)

well, i've only been working at cognito for a couple weeks

now. ur actually the first person that wanted to be my

friend there. i don't really work in a certain section

i kind of just work all around

Oh thats cool, Ive worked at Cognito for a year

I work with Reagan Ridley, you heard of her?

yeah i've heard of her. also heard a bunch about

her dad. shes like the boss, right?

"Fuck, he's heard of my dad?" Reagan interrupted, leaning back into her couch.

"Reags, everyone's heard of your dad, he was like, one of the most important people there really.." I sighed, my fingers floating above the keyboard.

Yeah

well thats cool.

So do you like me?

"Brett."
"What? I need to know.."

yeah ur cool

I think youre cool too :)

well i gtg. sorry our conversation

wasnt long. ill see you at work?

See you at work

"That was a good starting conversation! High five," Reagan put her hand out and I hit it. 

"I'm proud of myself," I placed my phone down with a grin on my face.

"I'm proud of you too," she dug into the chip bag again. I did it! I successfully had a conversation with this guy. And he likes me! I'm happy about that. At least he thinks I'm cool. But I still don't know if he's straight. I could also be lying to myself...but am I? Fuck, this is confusing. I'm not even sure if I'M straight or gay or whatever. I mean, I thought Reagan's mom was hot so does that...not make me gay? Or was I lying to myself then to make me feel more normal? I'm overthinking again. Why can't I just have a nice moment without me doubting everything? But god. What if he has a girlfriend or boyfriend already? Or what if he's not interested in dating anyone? What if he leaves Cognito without telling me and never texts me again? What if someone erases his memory? What if he gets killed doing his job and we never started dating? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Shit. What am I supposed to do? There's so many what if's. I also need to think about my reputation. Can this guy keep a secret? Can I even introduce him to my family? God fucking damn it I don't even know anymore. I felt sweat dripping down my body. I was stiff. I couldn't move. Stupid fucking what if's like a flood in my brain. I felt like I had to scream but I'm not sure if it was a good scream or a bad scream. A "he likes me" scream or "I'm not even sure what I am anymore" scream. I felt tears violate my eyes. Why am I even crying? I don't feel very proud of myself anymore. I'm crying over things that might not even be true about the guy. I can't move. I can't move. A vignette is taking over my vision. I feel dizzy, sick to my stomach. My mouth is so dry and I can barely breathe...I'm scared. This is a panic attack, right? What the fuck? Why am I having a panic attack? I try to remember. Breathe in, breathe out but I can't. I'm shaking. I don't know where I am anymore. I feel like I could just faint this very second. I hear Reagan asking if I'm okay but I just can't reply. I can't move my mouth. All that's coming out is little mumbles. Tears fell out like a waterfall. This isn't normal. I was getting better. I wasn't having any panic attacks...until now. I really thought I was getting better. But I guess not. I'm having a panic attack over some stupid guy. I'm the farthest thing from better. The complete opposite.