My Share of Sand (A Calabasas Fable)...Slightly Revised Edition

11-Lily of the Valley...revised and renamed

Wednesday, September 6

"Your panties need a place where they can breathe and thrive."

That's a phrase that definitely wouldn't have been on Colinda's bingo card of things her father ever might tell her. "The Dimension34 guide says that that an important part of the Conveying phase is that your belongings need to develop their own identities. Each item has a unique relation to you that is strengthened once you recognize their individual identities."

There are three phases to the Dimension34 program. Phase 1 is Cleansing, where you give away everything except your 34 items. After a few days you're ready to move on to the Conveying phase, in which you reorganize whatever you've kept. The final phase is called Crystalizing, but for now, the Quarles family was starting down the road of Conveying, which for them meant Brad and Geneva hanging out in their daughters' "realms" to go through each and every little possession. Right now, they were addressing how Colinda kept her socks and undies in the same drawer, a big Dimension34 no-no.

"Like, do I have to give each of my pairs of panties a name?" Colinda asked with sarcasm dryer than the Mojave.

"I don't believe so," he responded, thumbing through the guide. "Personally, I think it's a great idea," enthused Geneva. Brad thought about it a second..."It kinda is," he agreed. Geneva held one pair out toward Colinda. "Like, what would you call this pair?"

Colinda had actually squirmed away a little, but realizing that her folks had her trapped, she fumbled for something. "Uh...Shasta, I guess."

Geneva gave her back the panties. "Give the other four pairs names now."

"It's like they're a family," Brad said, nodding in ecstatic approval.

Colinda wondered what she did to deserve this. Why couldn't she just have normal weird parents?

After she finished naming the rest of her unmentionables (Whitney, Wilson, Palomar, Baldy—she decided to complete a mountain theme to go along with Shasta), Colinda started on her homework, but it started feeling stuffy in her room. As she slid the window open, she noticed something curious: Monique in the backyard, walking toward the hedges against the back wall. The indoorsy QQ didn't strike her sister as the kind of person who was eager to spend quality time in the fresh air...if there wasn't a phone attached to a ring light anywhere in the vicinity.

Colinda tried to stand to the side of the window, so she wouldn't get noticed, as she watched QQ head to one end of the bushes. Once she got there, she hoisted up a large rock. Was she into landscaping now?

Nope.

For one thing, Monique lifted the rock with a strength far beyond what would be expected for a thirteen-year-old girl. For another, there appeared to be something underneath the rock, from which Monique collected some items, before setting them aside, placing the rock back into position, and carrying them back into the house.

Colinda waited about ten minutes, then snuck out to the back yard, trying her best to be quiet and nimble. The sunlight was fading, but it was still perfect for an investigation.

Once she reached the rock, she learned it wasn't a rock at all. It was one of those hollow fake rocks people use to cover sprinkler heads or utility boxes. Interesting. Colinda had recently took note of the rock for the first time, but she just assumed it had always been there and she just never noticed it before. She lifted the ridiculously light hard plastic simulacrum and saw several things she immediately recognized: Monique's makeup bag shaped like the head of a panda, and several pairs of heels. She discreetly unzipped the panda head and saw it chock full of lipstick, other makeup, and bottles of perfume. Definitely much more than 34 total items hidden. All of which she swore she saw Monique throw away or give away. Yes, she was certain she remembered the panda bag being tossed into thrift store pile during the Great Dimension34 Purge. That kind of thing is hard to forget.