I Wish

Chapter 29

TW: fighting (verbal), yelling, guilt tripping, swearing, implied abuse, PTSD,
Please let me know if I missed any

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Tubbo

I tried to ignore the shouting.

I tried really hard to ignore it. But then just got sick of it, and ripped my door open.

As I stormed into the kitchen, I shouted "Will you two STOP FIGHTING!"

My parents might've said something, but I steamrolled over it. "Why do you two feel the need to fight almost evert day?"

As awful as it sounds, I know the only way to make them listen is to guilt trip them. Over and over. So I cried, started with a choked up throat, and it wasn't hard to keep the tears flowing as I started in.

"I'm trying so hard to keep everything together!" I basically yelled. It's not untrue, I'm trying to keep my family together, my life, my sanity, and my mentality.

"I'm the one who's trying to fix everything, but I can't." I brought my voice down to a more hopeless, quiet one at the end.

"Sweetie," my mom said in that kind but also not voice, "You know you can't fix everything."

"I know." I said through strangled cries. "But that doesn't stop me from trying."

"You probably don't love me." My mom said, and I cried louder, because how dare she try to guilt trip me after everything.

I jabbed a finger at her. "Don't you dare say that!" I shrieked, "I loved you, I loved you both so much, and don't you ever think otherwise."

"Yeah, that was real shitty of you." My dad chimed in.

I almost retorted that he wasn't much better, but instead turned away from my mother and buried my face in my dad.

I pulled away after a moment and said goodnight to them both before retreating to my room.

A soft, self satisfied, smile sat on my lips as I fell asleep.

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My mom woke me up like the night before didn't happen, all cheery and telling me breakfast was ready.

I ate in silence, and bolted out the door.

●○●○Third Person○●○●

He may have gotten to school 15 minutes early, but he didn't care, Tubbo just wanted to not be home.

He felt a light tap on his shoulder, and whipped his head around. Ranboo flinched away, gripping his hands anxiously.

"H- Hi Tubbo."

Tubbo stood up and stared at him, it was just a dream right? Ranboo wasn't talking to him.

"Ranboo!" He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his tall friend, he stiffened, and Tubbo pulled away quickly. "Sorry." He said sheepishly, tears shining bright in his eyes.

"I-it's okay, I- I'm so sorry Tubbo. I'm sorry for abandoning you, and Tommy, and now you guys hate each other."

"I don't hate him, I'm just mad at him."

"Well, if you look at him, I think he looks like shit." Ranboo said, with a grin, but it faltered after a moment. "I think we should all explain ourselves."

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Tubbo sat on the ground, the triangle between the three left a good amount of space between them.

He looked to his left, and Ranboo was right, Tommy really did look like shit. His hair was disheveled, and he had really dark circles under his eyes. He kept glancing to Tubbo warily, and Tubbo winced every time.

Then he looked to his right, Ranboo wasn't much better, his eyes darting towards the door every so often. Gripping a book in his lap, his fingers pulling the corner of the pages up before letting them fall back to their place. Tubbo wouldn't be surprised if that corner was really curled.

"I'm so sorry Tommy," Tubbo started, "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you, and the way I reacted, I was scared, and angry, and I sort of put everything bad that was happening as your fault, and somehow that made sense in my mind."

Understatement of the year, you were terrified of losing your friend again.

"I'm sorry Ranboo, and Tubbo, for lashing out the way I did." Tommy said, looking down. "It was an instinct to lash out, to hurt you, because I felt trapped, and I shouldn't have done that." He looked up to Ranboo, "I'm so sorry for the way I hurt you especially."

I was hurt too, I was hurt so much too.

"I- I'm so sorry to both of you as well, I avoided you two- because I was scared to get hurt again. But I think I made things worse, because Tubbo," he glanced at the brunette, "grew resentment towards Tommy, and Tommy," he glanced at the blonde, "grew fear towards Tubbo."

Ranboo took a deep, slightly shuddering breath, and continued. "It is equally all our faults, and I think we should all agree that each of us could've done something to fix it. That means that I don't want you to think it's all your fault because you started it, Tommy. It is also not entirely your fault because you made it worse Tubbo. I also made it worse, and I don't want to hear you make excuses for me, or each other. Because then you would also have to make excuses for yourself, alright?"

"H- how long did you think over what you were going to say to shut us up?" Tubbo asked at last

"Five hours."

The three of them started laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Maybe, just maybe, thinks could be fixed. However, Tubbo stands by it that the problem didn't fix any of them, and in fact, made each of them a bit worse off.

Tubbo wishes it would stop raining, but that wouldn't happen.

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Holidays screw up my schedule big time.

The last sentence is figurative.

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Have a great day/night my friends! ○💙○