Ghosts One Shots

Captain : Hidden Beneath (pt2)

"So, have you thought about it?" Pat asked.

The Captain turned to his rather short friend, who was standing there, like a lemon, in his beige scouts outfit as always. "I do beg your pardon, Patrick, what was this-"

"The talk about... you know... your death?"

"Ah, yes, quite," he looked to the wall. There was nothing there, but it broke the eye contact. "Well, I suppose I need to think rather a little more. I'll report back tomorrow."

"Okay," Pat said. He smiles, and started off, face scrunkled up with expression.

The Captain turned on his heel and started towards his room.

He lay on his bed, on his back, as he did every night. Staring at the ceiling.

Physically – or, however you'd refer to a ghost in that manner – he was there, on the bed, in Button House in the 21st century. Mentally, he was thrown into the midst of war the second he was 'asleep'.

Gunshots. Running. Mud. Trenches. Blood. Bodies.

So many bodies.

That's why he preferred to be Captain, he supposed. Make the plans, try as hard as you can to make sure your soldiers wouldn't die. At least, that's how it was originally. In death, he had come to realise how cold he had become to the topic. When he lost Havers to the front, he'd blocked out the pain that he couldn't bear; the pure, sheer, unbridled rage and sorrow he'd felt when he received the Telegram. Or was it in a telegram? He wasn't quite sure anymore how he'd received the news of his William's death. Havers. But no matter the method, he'd hidden the feelings beneath, like he'd always been taught.

Be strong, he'd been told. Believe. Don't faulter, don't fail, don't show any concern or worry you have. Don't show your emotions, your fears, your loves. Hide everything. That's how you got through it.

Maybe he'd buried too much.

-----

"Oh, Captain," Alison said, smiling, when she saw the Captain. Sometimes he wondered why everyone smiled so much, and other times he wished he could find as many reasons to smile as they did. "I couldn't find you after Julian's talk last night."

"Oh, no, I was, you know, stretching my legs. Helps get a good nights rest so you can be on top form the next morning."

"I recorded that programme for you if you wanted to watch it?"

"Ah. Yes, thank you Alison."

"Great."

He walked with her – in spirit - down the halls of Button house to the television room, where she switched it on.

"Thank you, Alison," he said again, resting his swagger stick across his legs, enthralled immediately by the documentary.

And then it got to the part about the soldiers personal lives.

"Now, this piece of evidence really is interesting," the presenter said. "It's a handwritten letter from a Lieutenant to the Captain, and you can see how close their relationship must have been."

The Captain heard footsteps behind him, and then Julian's voice saying, "Oh, not this again. Do you never watch anything else? A comedy perhaps? Or a naughty film?" Julian stopped when he realised the Captain wasn't bothered by his ramblings, but was fixated on the television. The Captain's face hung in a way Julian had never previously noticed.

On the screen was a letter. It read:

To my dear Captain,
Just yesterday I heard of your passing. It pains me that I never got the chance to tell you that the telegram you received was false. I believe many people received word that I had been killed in battle – I'm afraid that would be a little too honourable for me. Rather just a silly mix-up.
I'm home now, and I'm sorry I never told you. I wish I had had the chance. Just as I wish I had had the chance to tell you my feelings. I have a sweetheart at home that I intend to marry, but that never will erase how I cared for you. I never would have said to you as you were my superior, but I had hoped that perhaps you may have cared for me too.
I dread writing this letter in case of who finds it, but some part of me is hopeful that these words may find their way to you from beyond the grave. I did miss you when posted at the North Africa front, although I got promoted.
I'm not sure quite why I'm writing this anymore, but I hope to see you in another life, or perhaps an afterlife, Teddy.
Farewell, with regret, from your Lieutenant
William Havers

"Teddy?" Julian asked. "What sort of a name is that?"

"It's yours, isn't it Captain?" Kitty said, from the corner. He hadn't noticed she was there.

The Captain stared at the screen a little longer, the sounds coming from it faded to a blur. "Yes. Short for Theodore." He cleared his throat, and Julian scoffed slightly before realising that this was not the moment.

"Well, at least you got the letter, I suppose," Julian said. "If it was meant for you."

The presenter continued. "We can't be sure of exactly who this letter was written to, but we can assume his name was probably Edward of Theodore, considering the shortening of the name to 'Teddy'. The sweetheart that Havers mentions in this letter did get married to him, but died of a stroke only two years after. The two had no children together on record, but Havers did go on to work in a children's care home for around a decade, before he too died of unknown causes. We can only hope he was reunited with his lover - or lovers - in death."

"So, did you know him? Were you the mysterious Captain lover?"

"I..." The Captain was at a loss for words. Julian sat by him on the sofa, and Kitty leant slightly over the back of it. "I never realised he felt the same way."

"Ah," Julian said.

"Sorry," Theodore, The Captain, said very quickly, his head rushing around. "Forget I said that."

"You know it's okay?" Kitty asked. "You remember those two lovely women that got married here."

"Yes, Kitty, but, well... it's just not proper, is it?"

"Look," Julian said. "It's fine. Besides, everyone's wanted to have a go with a man at some point."

"If you mean that in the way I think you're intending, then certainly not, no. But I did wish for a far deeper bond than what I had."

"Oh, some people are no fun."

"It was his death day yesterday, actually Julian," Kitty interrupted. "Don't be mean."

"Is that why you walked away after my talk?"

The Captain sighed. "Patrick wanted me to talk about it. My death. Today."

"And are you going to?"

"I haven't decided yet. I mean, it's entirely linked with that," he said, gesturing to the screen with his swagger stick. "How could anyone respect me if they knew about that?"

"Things are a lot different nowadays," Kitty said reassuringly.

"Yeah," Julian agreed. "Okay, how about this, if you have any major reasons for not doing it, that's okay, you've got forever. Literally. But if this is all that's holding you back from sharing your past and, you know, living a little – even in your death – then surely it's not worth keeping that away for the sake of not letting them know you fancied a man? I mean, it's pretty obvious anyway, but... Think about it."