Ghosts One Shots

Captain : Hidden Beneath (pt 4)

They all stared at him. He still felt the lump in his throat, the heart beating slightly too fast to feel comfortable, the mental block stopping him from speaking, but he supressed it. If he's always learnt to supress emotions, couldn't he do that with ones that were unnecessary to share the better feelings?

"I suppose you all want to know how I died, although I believe a lot of you were there at the time." The only response was a couple glances, a smile from Pat and a slight nod from Julian. Silence, but with normal background noise. Nothing to compete with his brain this time. "So, it all started with my Lieutenant, Havers..."

As he spoke, he found himself almost reliving the memories- Havers smiling, insisting he had to leave for the front. The North Africa front.

"We were working together on the Limpet mine together, as you know, and then he informed me that he would have to... depart from our unit. Join the actual fight. We had worked together for perhaps six months. However, a few weeks later I got the opportunity to join the front, too. I was very pleased, so I was posted there, and me and Havers got to work together a little more."

He stopped. Where was this going? He couldn't admit that, not aloud. It wasn't right, it wasn't proper-

And then he looked up. Everyone was listening. Pat and Alison and Kitty smiled, and Julian raised an eyebrow as a question. This shouldn't be a battle that he was willing to lose.

"So, I got closer to him, until eventually, I had correspondence from my family back home. Or rather, about them. My mother had passed, and I knew I had to come home. So I did – I left Havers, and travelled back here for the funeral. I was later told that they no longer needed more people at the front, so I returned to work here." The lump in his throat appeared to grow, although it didn't exist, and he instinctively tried to swallow it down. "I realised... whilst I was here... what a bally shame it was to be working here without Lieutenant Havers. I missed him. I suppose I... cared for him, in a way. A way I was told was wrong. But I buried that feeling."

He looked across to the window, to the door, a part of him hoping Havers would just walk in through the gates and the doorway. But he didn't. This was the Captain's story now. He may as well tell it as the truth.

The Captain cleared his throat, and held tightly to his swagger stick. "I loved him. I know it isn't viewed the same now, but I had to hide that. Until just a few weeks before the war ended, I received a telegram informing me that Lieutenant William Havers had passed away. I didn't really know what to do with the emotion, I don't think, so I just... ignored it. I focused on winning the war, and we did. There was still more to wrap up after it officially ended, of course, but we had done it. And I had spent my entire life since I was 19 in or between wars. I didn't know how to... well, live outside of that. I started getting stressed about things, and I got headaches a lot, so I started taking the medication that was prescribed by a doctor. Unfortunately, one night I ended up forgetting that I had taken them already, and it... I suppose it ended up interfering with my internal organ function. I was still stationed here so I just sort of stayed. I woke up ready for work and instead was faced with all of you."

The room was quiet. "He really died?" Alison asked.

"I believed so," The Captain said, "until I saw that documentary you recorded, actually, Alison. They uncovered some of his things, including a letter he wrote to me after my death. It suggested he felt the same, in fact."

"Oh," Alison said, face screwing up in empathy. "That's really sad."

"It was rather a shock. I wasn't going to talk at all, but thankfully Patrick's annual consultation, and today Julian and Kitty's support, finally made me feel I could share it.

"And do you feel any better?"

He thought for a moment. He felt so light. Still anxious, heart still pumping; just a lot lighter. Not like he was moving on, just... embracing who he actually was. "I think I do, actually."

Alison smiled.

"I not understand," Robin said, lifting his arm, "why you not tell Have-vers you like him?"

"That's not really the sort of thing the British army would appreciate, Robin," The Captain insisted.

"But you like someone, you tell them, you do it."

The other ghosts clamoured uncomfortably, Fanny protesting loudest, probably.

-----

The Captain sat on his own whilst the others talked among themselves. He lifted his head to see Thomas standing over him.

"I just wanted to say that your story was inspiring." Thomas smiled, then more timidly added, "Sir."

"Thank you, Thomas. Glad everyone took it so we-"

"I was thinking of writing a poem about it. Lovers, bound together by fate, yet torn apart again-"

"No, no," The Captain interjected, "that won't be necessary, thank you."

"But it would be an epic.."

The moon shone down on button house, illuminating the grounds and seeping through the windows. It was perfect for an ending, the ending of The Captain's silence, but he hadn't quite finished ending it yet.