Godspower Efe had never thought he'd be in a stable and proper relationship so he had his heart closed and considered all prospective ladies in his life his sisters. He's been fighting demons and memories from his early years that have refused to le...
For thou art my rock and my fortress; Therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me. - Psalm 31:3 (KJV)
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GP had just gotten back home after dropping Tutu off at home. He smiled as he remembered how she insisted that he drive her car home and how Moses would come to pick it up. He had of course refused and assured her that he would stay safe.
He plopped down on the lone gray-coloured sofa that leaned against one of the white walls in the small living room space in his one-bedroom apartment. The gray curtains moved gently as the wind blew. His 21-inch Hisense Smart TV hung on the opposite wall along with a sound system and PS4 console he had gotten as a birthday gift from Tayọ on his last birthday.
He rested his head against the sofa and stared into the ceiling till it became white nothing. Before he knew it, his mind began to conjure up images he didn't want to remember. Images he had been fighting since his new life began. He didn't want to but it was becoming harder to be strong.
He flew off his chair and began to pace praying in the spirit. I'm not going to. I will be strong in the Lord.
He continued till he felt himself calm down.
For how long will I continue this way?
It had been well over three months since he last gave in to the temptation of watching porn. It didn't help that almost everywhere he looked, there were females willing to be objects of fantasies his mind had been filled with. And it sure didn't help that the world, including some Christian sects, believed there was nothing wrong with it. But he knew better. He just couldn't do better.
He was saved but it didn't mean his mind had become totally renewed on the matter of pornography. In fact, he understood what Apostle Paul said about dying to self daily and having self-control.
Most people thought becoming saved was the end of it all. But he knew experientially that it was just the beginning of the new life. There were mindsets that needed resetting, strongholds that needed to be broken and ties that needed to be slashed.
And he was a walking example of that.
Wande.
The one name that unearthed feelings he wanted buried and forgotten.
He hadn't wanted to think about him but he couldn't avoid it especially since his mum had brought him up in their conversation earlier that day.
Yes, it had all began with him. And he still couldn't find it in himself to forgive the one person who had set him on the path he was on. A path he didn't even want to be on. Wande was the one reason he was still dealing with feelings of self-doubt, unrighteousness and fear of love with another.
Forgiveness was the last thing he wanted to give. And he sure didn't care that maybe, just maybe, Wande had been dealing with his own demons at the time.
