Stories Retold

Princess and the frog

scene 1: swamp gumbo- bills pov

Soos the alligator writhed on the ground, the cruel stickers embedded into his skin. Stan was flying around, the old lightning bug straining to pull out the thorny brambles from Soos' rear. Dipper awkwardly pat his snout in sympathy, and Bill rolled his eyes. If it weren't for those frog hunters, the cowardly alligator wouldn't have leapt into the pricker bushes. Personally, Bill didn't understand his fear of the hunters. Gators were normally a fierce predator, if he just attacked the hunters then he could have easily beat them.

Amid his yelps of pain as Stan removed one sticker at a time, Soos looked to Dipper for help. "You know what woul' make me feel better- OW! Crawfish, slathered in remoulade sauce- MERCY! And some bananas foster sprinkled with pralines- OWW OH MAMA!"

Dipper walked over to a bush, moving a leaf to reveal a large pumpkin. The orange gourd was just an inch or so taller than the frog himself, who knocked on the largely hollow sounding pumpkin. "How 'bout some swamp gumbo?" he asked, smiling softly. Bill caught himself staring at the smile for a little more than a second, and mentally berated himself for giving unearned attention to the peasant.

Soos froze mid yelp, pointing at Dipper with the words, "That'll do," before exclaiming as yet another briar was pulled from his scales. Stan threw the pricker to the side, looking unconcerned.

Bill smirked, sitting down on the ground and propping his feet on a nearby mushroom. Finally, some food! He wagered that Dipper couldn't be too bad of a cook, even if he was a frog now. (Honestly, it was the guy's own fault for kissing him.) He placed a leaf over his lap with a dramatic flourish to serve as a napkin. "Sounds delicious. I'll start with a pre-dinner cocktail, and uh," he leaned against the tree root behind him, "something to nibble on while I wait." The frog prince closed his eyes, hoping to relax and perhaps even catch a few z's. The chase from earlier had tired him out, and though a trunk wasn't necessarily as good as his silken goose down pillows, Bill supposed it would do. "Thanks." This part was only added as a facade of politeness, as it wasn't a request. He was a prince, after all.

Dipper chuckled, tying a leaf around his waist in place of an apron. "No no no no no no, your royal highness," he picked up one of Bill's slimy and shiny toes, removing his legs from their relaxing position, "you are gonna mince these mushrooms." The darker green, almost brownish frog picked up his hand, and pressed a knife shaped rock into it, before walking away. The warmth of his hand left all too soon, and only a slightly slimy residue was left behind, Bill realized with a small amount of disgust. Gah, he would never get used to being so... icky. It was un-princely!

Bill sat up with a confused look, staring after Dipper. "Do- Do what?" he asked incredulously. Was this guy being serious? Sure, he had a pretty face, and Dipper probably was just trying to spend more time with him, but Bill didn't know how to do much of anything. Did Dipper really expect him to mint some marshmallows, or whatever?

"Mince the mushrooms!" Dipper yelled over his shoulder as he hopped up onto a random plant. What on earth was he doing? Yeah, his butt looked great from Bill's perspective, but why was he climbing? "Hop to it!" Dipper waved Bill away, climbing further into the plant.

How dare he? Ordering Prince Billiam Cipher around like some- some servant! Bill sat up, holding the makeshift knife in one hand, and the mushroom in the other. "Little ridiculous," he muttered.

"Are you mincing?" Dipper called down, and Bill frowned.

"All right! Relax..."

He peered at the mushroom, tentatively poking it with the tip of the knife. Ew, it was squishy. Why was it shaped like that? Ha, it looked sorta like a dick- Okay, start 'mincing' it before Dipper gets angry again. He heard the other frog rustling around in the bushes like a scavenger of some sort. Maybe Bill had a better job, actually. Now, how to mince...