On Thin Ice

Prologue

Danger sparks a flight or fight response. It's built into human nature since the beginning of time.

Do we stand our ground, or do we run? Do we protect ourselves or move towards the danger?

It's rare but not impossible when the danger sparks a deep flicker of excitement and thrill. When the danger becomes a craving and when we head into it knowing full well everything and anything could go wrong.

And sometimes that danger can be a person.

A person you know full well will bring nothing but the ugliest, darkest parts of you out. A person who's everything you challenge and oppose and detest. A person that makes common sense scream to move away, to flee.

But our survival, our growth isn't always founded with common sense. And we cannot grow if we don't play with danger, gamble the risks and sometimes...just sometimes headfirst into danger.

Sometimes we need to toy and play with our survival to realise how essential it is to protect and guard yourself.

Sometimes we need to experience fight to realise that flight would've been better.

Sometimes we need mistakes to realise what not to do.

But sometimes danger becomes addicting. And we no longer know how to escape it.

Even if it burns trails of ice through our veins, cementing us to the numbing glory of it all.

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There's something about the ice in its constancy always freezes and chills and finds its way to seep through your veins, turning everything slow and weighted with the numbing cold that melded with flesh and bones. That found their home there.

To be even offered a place into one of the most prestigious sports university in the nation was a dream. To be accepted there, with a flurry of successful auditions that were almost spent too much time in anxious knots and cold sweats and less in the whirls of routines performed flawlessly on ice.

There's something about letting myself go on the ice that's as liberating as it is as treading dangerously, the ground underneath my feet unsteady and constantly ready to slip away any moment but if I entrust myself to the slippery ice as much as it welcomes me with its eternally cold embrace then some relationship there blooms.

Warms and nurtures because no matter how many scrapes and bumps I get, no matter how many times I slipped and fell that same ice was there to break my fall.

But at this university, in its hallowed halls and walls, I wasn't skating freely across the ice, leaving only my treks behind on its surface... this time when the ice fell, it was to plummet me into its depths. Swimming along others, floundering in new uncharted coldness that wasn't just mine to learn and embrace.

At KSU I wasn't the only figure skater.

I wasn't the only athlete.

I was in an ocean, lost among the others.

And whatever name, whatever reputation I might've had had to be built from the bottom up again.

Everything was going to be made anew.

It was a new start.

But it was also a chance to re-prove, re-establish exactly how much you'd earned your place here.

The flickers of doubts and insecurities aren't unfounded, slipping into the seats alongside other new students, watching the flawless execution of the figure skating team's showcase, the display of agility and strength. Grace and power all combined into a stunning powerhouse of teamwork.

"You'll fit right in sweetheart." My mum whispers, voice hushed and wavering with pride, tugging down my dad beside her, eyes crinkled and shiny with a glossiness that both makes my cheeks warm and a part of my heart twist.

"Noona I can't wait to come here and skate too—look how big it is!" my little brother marvels, eyes shining as he cranes his head to peer at the rink, thrill and eagerness driving separation from his mind. Eyes shining with a familiar burning fire that I knew all too well. Briefly distracting me as I look at him.

I don't miss the fond curling smiles my parents exchange, don't miss how he tilts forward in his own seat, trying to angle for a better view, lost in the sight of the large, wide consuming stretch of the rink.

"Going to waste all your tears before you've even dropped me off at the dorms?" I tease my dad, leaning to the side to clasp at his hand and squeezing tight. Watching as he staves a breath, shaking his head.

"Waterworks are in full force... there'll be no stopping me."

The praise and pride both in their gazes is bolstering just as much as it rocks the ground further under my feet.

Adding to the nerves I already feel thrumming in my veins, that makes butterflies swarm my stomach.

"It's a big thing being here honey." My mum murmurs from my side, watching how aptly my gaze is fixed at the front, watching the seamless performance, body already tilted towards the edge of my seat. My little brother's body mirroring mine, leaning forward, hand clasping at my arm as he gasps audibly.

"I know. That's exactly what I'm afraid of." I admit, watching with a fluttering giddiness and anxiousness both.

Will I make my place and carve into the ice like them?

Watching my future teammates makes me tense.

Will I fit in? Will I be as good as? Will I be able to be a better teammate, a better skater than I was before?

"(Y/N)... you've earned it. You're going to cement it too."

And I hope the ice I've made home, known more familiarly than myself... I hope it can welcome me here too.

(WELCOME WELCOME! BUCKLE UP! THIS IS GOING TO BE A SHORT STORY—THOUGH LET'S SEE WHAT I MEAN BY THAT ;) THIS IS ALL BASED ON A DREAM I HAD ONE INSPIRING NIGHT AND THEN TALKING IT THROUGH WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE Midiiplier BUCKLE UP~ AND ENJOY THE RIDE!)

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3