On Thin Ice

Chapter 19- home is where the heart was left

(Y/N) POV:

The decision comes easier than I thought it would. The stretch of four days off on break offers up the prospect of respite.

The best way to take a breather, to try follow through with it, to get as far away as possible from it as I can... is to leave campus entirely.

"I'm going home for the rest of the week."

Hobi's eyes drift upwards, head tilting back to peer at me.

"Oh? So sudden?"

"Coach said... Coach suggested I take the week off. So I figured why not?" I shrug, feel a coil of apprehension, waiting with a bated breath to see how he'll react. Unsure as to why it makes me nervous, why I'm tense and bracing myself in the first place-it's Hobi. And yet I can't help it. Can't help but begin to second-guess my decision and maybe it wasn't smart and it's clear I've not been thinking straight-

"Why not then? Do what's good for you."

"You don't think it's a bad idea?"

"Why would I think that?"

"I don't know-I just... I didn't want to let you down... by going home. By taking the decision to leave campus." I shrug my shoulders, feeling ridiculous and small as I say the words.

Hobi's face shifts, a warm tenderness that seeps out of him, a soft heart-shaped smile as he shakes his head. Hand reaching to curl around my wrist, squeeze briefly before his hand skims up to cup my cheek.

"I'm proud of you actually."

"Proud?" the word echoes. The feeling that he could be... that of all things pride is what he feels towards me especially after everything that's gone wrong... everything that I've messed up or has become ruined... pride isn't the word I expect to hear. Or see in his eyes.

"You're doing what's best for you. You shouldn't ever forget that above all... before everything else, before your sport-you come first. I'm proud of you for putting yourself first (Y/N)".

And he laughs softly, the sound low and quiet when I blink rapidly, dispelling the tight prickliness from my eyes.

"Aigoo... no more tears. Just... just happiness. Just put yourself first. Don't worry about anything else. You above it all."

"I'll try."

"And when you get back... I'll take you for a whirl little dancer."

"I'll give you a run for my money." I promise.

Letting myself be tugged into a hug but it's my arms that wrap tighter around him, it's my arms that don't let go, burrowing into him. Letting that sense of comfort sink in.

And Hobi holds me like he already knows it'll all be okay.

He'll be here waiting.

[......]

"What're you thinking? I can hear the cogs turning."

"I think... it's quite ridiculous to take days off this close to the beginning of the Asia Cup."

"And? What else you thinking?"

"That maybe... maybe I've ruined everything. Sabotaged it all." Throat tight.

"Why'd you think that?"

"Jungkook we've never struggled with chemistry, with connecting to the piece. And yesterday... yesterday for the first time ever... Coach said it was missing. Because of me."