On Thin Ice

Chapter 16- pretending isn't enough

JIMIN POV:

"Something's...different." Joon begins, words cut off. Dismissed.

"Nothing's different." I brush off.

"No... something is." Tae muses.

"You've changed." A murmured, careful examination. Eyes narrowed with curiosity.

"No I haven't."

"No there's definitely something off." Yoongi hyung remarks, voice low and words drawn out, fingers curled around a mug as he sits opposite to me. Head tilted in appraisal.

"I think the only thing off is the way you're shoulder's acting up again hyung and you're trying to hide it... again." Voice sharper than intended, wincing when the look shifts from assessing to a flash of something disappointed and then reproachful. Stare turning dismissive when the other two turn their heads towards Yoongi hyung, eyes narrowing onto his shoulder, posture so loose and slouched that they search for the tell.

"Deflecting are we?" voice smooth, holding not a shred of bite as hyung looks at me. Gaze pointed.

"I don't know what you mean hyung."

"You've been working your ass off—not that you don't—" Tae says, a deep-set furrow between his brows, stare intense as it shifts its focus back to me, scours through me.

And for a moment a surge of panic wells—so sure that somehow... in the way somehow only Tae can... he sees right through me.

"But it's different. You're always training. Like you're addicted. That or you've developed a masochistic streak to torture yourself."

"I'm not torturing myself—"

"You're exhausted. I only ever see you train or sleep. You shove food down your throat and then you're always doing something—will you just stop and breathe?"

"I'm doing plenty of breathing... I'm just getting myself ready and in prime condition for the next matches."

"So is everyone else—I work you guys to your limits... you really don't need to be doing more Jimin-ah."

"I have to do more."

"Why?"

"There's always more to do—"

"Why this much... why so much—"

"Because I have to be more. You know that Joon so why—"

"Has Coach said that?" a bite of anger sharpening his voice.

"No that's not the point—"

"The point is Jimin-ah if Coach is pressuring you to overwork yourself—"

"I'm doing it for me!"

"No-one's telling you to push yourself to this limit, to push until—"

"Until we win. Until we win... I can't... I won't fuck us over."

There's something like concern in their eyes, shared glances that carry too much weighted meaning, too much in that silence that it makes a defensiveness stir up.

"You're not going to." Tae's voice is soft.

Too soft.

Almost hedging like he's being careful about it. Like he's consciously aware he needs to be.

It makes that feeling well up stronger, pushing against skin, making it itch uncomfortably under their gazes—no matter how well-meaning they are.

My body rears back, jerking upright, spine stiff as I look at the three of them.