On Thin Ice

Chapter 18- hollowed out husk

JIMIN POV:

"You guys go... I'll just be a minute." Yoongi hyung waves the other two off, watches the two of them leave the room, door clicking shut quietly behind them. An impregnable pause lingers, sinks uncomfortably into the space of the room. Feeling raw and exposed, feel hyung's eyes on me, wondering just how badly he thinks of me now. Throat tightening at the thought of the three of them knowing, of them knowing the truth of what I'd done and the knowledge that I was cruel and hurtful and twisted.

The uneven quiet exhale turns my head to the side, tired, aching eyes appraising Yoongi hyung, surprised to find the hesitance in them. The dithering pause as if he debates with himself whether to say or whether to stay quiet. Words battling to slip out, dangling on the tip of his tongue.

"You can say it hyung. Whatever's bothering you... whatever you think of me. You can say it."

Though the thought that the three of them hate me, despise me for what I've done makes my heart hammer against my chest with crippling panic.

Don't hate me. Please don't hate me.

"I know... a lot of the things you said to (Y/N) were a lot of the things your Coach has told you. I know... I know it's hard to split right from wrong or question things when it's someone who holds such a powerful position in your life, in your career... but you realise it don't you Jimin-ah? That just because your Coach said it never made it okay for you to say it?"

I nod, chest constricting painfully tight. The air in my lungs rattles.

"I just- I've done so much for my career... I can't afford to lose it all now."

"I get that... I really get that." Hyung's voice is level, unfailingly patient. But there's something darker and heavier swimming in his eyes, something that's just more.

"But... you realise so has (Y/N)...she's done a lot for her career too... she's put everything on the line for her career so for you to... throw it in her face... you undermined her as a woman, as an athlete... as someone who knows just how much you have to sacrifice for your sport, for your talent."

But there's a personal tone he speaks with. Affected and understanding and eyes full of a deeper empathy for her than I understand. As if he understands exactly how she feels, as if Yoongi hyung sees a likeness of himself in her, as if... as if he knows her.

"And with everything she's gone through-"

"How'd you know?"

How do you know the words that ring in my ears constantly? A haunting reminder of just how deeply I've messed up, just how much I've done wrong by.

Jungkook's words stuck in an endless loop.

"But if I ever find out (Y/N)'s spending extra hours putting herself at risk cos an asshole like you made her feel unworthy, that she almost lost her chance at her career... after coming back from rehab"

She almost lost her chance at her career...after coming back from rehab...rehab...rehab...rehab

"What?"

"How'd you know what she's gone through? (Y/N)."

His expression turns guarded, protective.

His voice is heavier, weighed down. An empathy for her pooled heavily in his eyes.

"I saw (Y/N). At the medic-bay. I saw her face after that injury... but you didn't know did you? You didn't know she had an old ankle injury? That she's still in physio for it? Gets it checked up."