[ GunKrist ] The Story of Us

15. I Don't Want To Live Anymore

"Krist Perawat is depressed."

A friend who is a psychiatrist had told Gun so.

Everyone already knew what the reason was.

Krist had been avoiding everyone since that day, not smiling, not making noise, not doing anything, he just huddled in the corner of his 'room,' his gaze was still vague while his hand was stroking Black.

Gun knew .. he knew that it might be tough for him to accept the truth. He was afraid, he was scared that Krist would be swallowed by that horrible feeling .. for the rest of his life.

Gun always tried to find a way to pull his boyfriend out of those negative thoughts, so that he didn't have to bear the pain alone.

Krist needs to know that he still has him by his side!

Gun wanted to feel his pain, at least he was confident that he would accept that bad news better than the younger, but, as soon as he opened up his thoughts to the two boys, their unexpected responds made him realize that he was completely wrong.

When hearing Gun speak, Title pondered for a long time and replied faintly.

"Phi, so you said that if you were the one diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, you wouldn't fall into despair like P'Krist .. hmm, I think you may be right."

Next to him, Mike was also busy thinking, he spoke clearly after a while, articulating every word.

"Instead of Pakinson like P'Krist, what if you were diagnosed with another disease, something like .. um, losing your writing ability, would you still be okay?"

He was stunned, those words hit him hard!

To be honest, he had never thought about it. If Krist's love for drawing is big, then his love for writing novels is not lesser than that as well. Writing is his happiness, and for a long time he had considered it as an indispensable part of his boring life. Gun couldn't imagine if one day he lost all of his writing abilities. Maybe just like what Mike said, he would be in the same state as the younger, or even worse.

...

Gun prepared two cups of tea and brought them into his room. Sitting down right beside Krist, the two of them did not talk much. Before turning on his laptop to continue working with the manuscript, he only said.

"Since you don't want to talk, I won't force you, I'm right here, so call me if you need anything."

The wind in the afternoon blew through the small balcony, Krist was sitting at the same spot petting his Black, while Brown was sleeping soundly at his feet, and Gun was typing the manuscript.

Everything became completely quiet .. quiet yet peaceful.

Much later, the exotic pastel hues of orange were now painted across the fading expression of the day, Gun raised his eyes from the laptop to the horizon to witness the sun's last dance in the daylight as it began to descend slowly and hid behind the tall buildings.

He heard Krist mutter.

"I don't want to live anymore, Phi."

At that moment, Gun swore that he could hear his heart breaking.

This was the reason why he always felt that depression was much scarier than any disease. He had seen several cases in which people ended their lives due to it, many were living with it .. and now Krist was one of them.

His boyfriend, who always shone bright like the sunshine, was slowly collapsing in front of his eyes.

🎵🎶 Alone in this world
Can't believe you'd leave me in the rain,
With no place to call home
Only surrounded by pain
Alone in this world
You promised you'd stand by me
Through all of the storms
You were my light in the sea
Where are you now 🎶 (*)