Gallant squires, have amongst you; at mumchance I mean not, for so I might chance come too short commons, but at nouus, noua, nouum, which is in English, news of the maker. A proper fellow-page of yours called Jack Wilton by me commends him unto you, and hath bequeathed for waste-paper here amongst you certain pages of his misfortunes. In any case, keep them preciously as a privy token of his goodwill towards you. If there be some better than other, he craves you would honour them in their death so much as to dry & kindle tobacco with them; for a need he permits you to wrap velvet pantofles in them also, so they be not woe-begone at the heels, or weather-beaten, like a black head with grey hairs, or mangy at the toes, like an ape about the mouth. But as you love good-fellowship and ambs-ace, rather turn them to stop mustard-pots than the grocers should have one patch of them to wrap mace in; a strong, hot, costly spice it is, which above all things he hates. To any use about meat & drink put them to and spare not, for they cannot do their country better service. Printers are mad whoresons; allow them some of them for napkins. Jost a little nearer to the matter & the purpose. Memorandum: every one of you, after the perusing of this pamphlet, is to provide him a case of poniards, that if you come in company with any man which shall dispraise it or speak against it, you may straight cry Sic respondeo, and give him the stockado. It stands not with your honours (I assure ye) to have a gentleman and a page abused in his absence. Secondly, whereas you were wont to swear men on a pantofle to be true to your puissant order, you shall swear them on nothing but this chronicle of the king of pages henceforward. Thirdly, it shall be lawful for any whatsoever to play with false dice in a corner on the cover of this foresaid Acts and Monuments. None of the fraternity of the Minorites shall refuse it for a pawn in the times of famine and necessity. Every stationer's stall they pass by, whether by day or by night, they shall put off their hats to, and make a low leg, in regard their grand printed capitano is there entombed. It shall be flat treason for any of this forementioned catalogue of the point-trussers once to name him within forty foot of an ale-house; marry, the tavern is honourable. Many special grave articles more had I to give you in charge, which your wisdoms waiting together at the bottom of the great chamber stairs, or sitting in a porch (your parliament house) may better consider of than I can deliver; only let this suffice for a taste to the text, and a bit to pull on a good wit with, as a rasher on the coals is to pull on a cup of wine.
Hey-pass, come aloft; every man of you take your places, and hear Jack Wilton tell his own tale.
