ephemeral | Jenlisa [COMPLETED]

Chapter 20

Hey, all!

It's been a while since I've posted an update; longer than is typical for me, that's for certain.

A time we've all been waiting for is among us – Antarctica!

You know I don't usually have strict itineraries that I follow, but given how structured this kind of trip is, I have one for the next month –

Lisa closed her tired eyes tightly, letting her head fall back against the wall as all she could think about with the mention of itineraries, was the one Jennie had given her two months ago, for her trip to explore the Southern cities.

Shaking her head at herself, she took a deep breath and looked back at the laptop she had balanced on her knees as she sat in the Busan airport.

She'd been trying to write this update – any good, engaging update, really – for the last three weeks. But nothing felt... right.

It was an entirely new and terrible feeling. Lisa had never once had any trouble in engaging with her followers, in writing about her thoughts, her feelings, whatever she was experiencing.

But she'd been blocked for weeks. Ever since she'd left.

She could so easily see the night she'd packed and left home – left

Sacheon, she frowned as she internally corrected herself.

She'd returned to Sehun's house that night and felt so frantic. So unbelievably frantic, as she'd packed. Like the longer she spent there, the very minutes she spent in Sacheon were minutes that everything was closing in on her.

Jennie's confession. Lisa's strong and unrestrained feelings for Jennie, that thrilled her, that she wanted more of, that she didn't know how to reconcile with the life she'd built. That she couldn't reconcile how to deal with the realization that Jennie didn't want her the way she was.

"Hey, what's going on?" Sehun had asked from the doorway, with Ella peeking over his shoulder from the hallway.

"I have to go," the words had croaked out of her throat, her hands shaking. "What?" Sehun had asked, incredulous. "You – your schedule says you aren't supposed to go for another week, what are you talking about?"

"I thought you were staying until Christmas?" Ella had interjected, pushing her way into the room.

"I'm sorry," it was all she could offer. "I have to go," she'd repeated, stuffing her things in her suitcase. Completely against her expert packing plans.

She hadn't been able to really explain herself to them. Or to Somi, who'd driven her to the airport an hour later. Not because she didn't want to.

But because for the first time in her entire life, she couldn't make sense of all of her feelings, either. Even in her most unhappy or confused times in her life – which she really hadn't had much of, as an adult – she had always known herself well enough that she could pinpoint those feelings and talk about them. With herself, with others.

On her blog, through writing.

She hadn't even had a place picked out before she'd gotten to the airport. Instead, she'd arrived and purchased a ticket for the first place that appealed to her. Kauai, it was. Lisa, overall, loved Hawaii. She loved the beauty, the tranquility she could find there. It sounded like exactly what she'd needed.

And it had been beautiful. It had been tranquil. But it hadn't been what she'd needed.

She'd managed to take a few photos that were – passable. She'd managed a vlog and a written piece that were – fine. But nothing felt inspired.