My feelings for my dead friend

Chapter 1

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time to see him one last time but I can't and it breaks my heart even more. He is...he was my best friend but in my eyes he was so much more than that. He was my safe place, my home in a school that was totally against me, my friend when everyone else bullied me and to be direct about it my first love. Christopher Morcom. Let me tell you a little about him. He was a little shorter than I was and rather slenderly build for his age. He had beautiful brown eyes, the most adorable smile I know and brown hair. I met him in 1928. Since then I had the feeling that I could look at his face forever. At his nose, his lips, his eyes. There was a time when he didn't come to school for months and when he did he looked even more slender and pale than usual. I found out much later about the reason why he was missing for so long. He and I began to talk alot in 1929 and that was also when I noticed my feelings for him. I didn't tell him how I felt since I was scared. But something in the way that he talked to me seemed a little distant. So I'm guessing that he knew about my feelings all along. We talked alot about chemistry and astrology and even started writing letters to each other in the holidays. I remember opening them with this weird excitement and everytime I was reading and re-reading those letters I kept on smiling. Of course I have kept them all in a little drawer beside my bed. I once even had enough courage to invite him over for the easter holidays but he and his family already had plans so he declined thankfully. I still felt a little disappointed though. But this disappointed was soon washed away when I saw him after the holidays we had written each other many letters of course but nothing could be compared to seeing him right in front of me. He always helped me against the bullies too and he defended me.
We also spent one week in Cambridge together and to be honest that was the best time of my life. We played a lot of games and it was amazing knowing that this could be our lifes in the nearer future. After we took the examinations for the scholarships together we went back to Sherborne and so did our lives. He actually got a scholarship while I didn't. I was incredibly sad that I wouldn't see him for one year at least and thought that he might foget about me. So, I wrote him a letter telling him that I might go to another university. His response was incredibly sweet basically telling me that he would miss me if I were to go to another university...then his condition worsened. He hadn't told me that he was sick or anything. The night before he would have gone to Cambridge he got taken ill to the hospital and had to underun 2 operation. But the doctors couldn't help anymore. He died 9 days afterwards. I was extremely devastated after I heard the news but I felt like all of this had a pourpose so I started to put as much effort into the experiments and into my work as if he was still alive since I had to do the work of two now. I also wrote to his mother asking her for a picture of Chris. Luckily she didn't mind sending me one. Now I look at it for hours before I go to sleep and I wonder how he is feeling or if he is still feeling. I hope that I will get over him soon but I can't imagine living my life without him...