One Last Case (Emily x reader)

Episode nine

< 7th of September, 2008 >

"But she needs me more than she needs him and I guess being needed is almost as good as being loved. Maybe better."      "Betty Smith

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Emily pov

I had left as though i would panic. But i don't want to do it in public, especially not in front of my team. They wouldn't understand, not this time. I know i had to get out of there, fast. So i make it into an empty room of the hospital. We still don't know if it's the unsub who's in surgery or if it's Y/n. And i was trying to breathe, but i simply couldn't. As if someone was pressing against my throat, stopping me from taking full breaths. But there is no one, i'm all alone. Tears start trickling down from my eyes as i realise that this could be the end of our story. The last chapter. I can't let it be the last chapter. It feels as though my heart is beating seventy miles an hours, faster than that maybe. Oh lord, i think to myself, my heart is beating faster than a running cheetah. I try to think myself into humour but there is nothing humours about this situation. What if my heart breaks my ribcage?

Someone's warm hands try to touch my cheeks and i flinch, making those warm hands grab my face more forcefully. The blur of a person in front of me, it's familiar. His dark and warm skin tone shining through the tears that are covering my eyes. It's Derek. I'm sitting on the floor in an empty room and Derek is sitting in front of me. His mouth moves but i can't hear anything over the racing of my heart. Breath. He's telling me to breath, but i can't. It's like someone has thrown a bunch of rocks in a well and it's not impossible to reach the bottom.

He sits down next to me and pulls me close to his chest. A hand brushing through my hair as a sob gets caught in my throat together with another impossible breath.

"I can't lose her" i cry out quietly. His chest goes up in three second, waits two seconds, and then out in three seconds again.

"I know, i know. You won't" he answers, kissing the top of my head as he repeats the same breathing. Until i lose track and my own breathing is mirroring his.

"We don't even know if it's her" i sob again as my racing heart is slowing down to give my body a break. But i don't even know if i would want it to take a break. If it's not her i will let my racing heart break my ribcage, let it kill me.

"It's her" he says comforting but i can't tell the difference it's reassurement and hope, or actual facts. I just continue to cry into his chest, and he lets me. Having a comforting hand caressing my back. "Everything is going to be alright"

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Y/n pov

I let out a groan as i try to move. But i'm afraid that if i move to much or to fast i'll pull the stitches over my collarbone. I know i'm lucky to be alive, but i don't feel it. I failed. I was forced to kill our only suspect, one of the Unsubs killing and abducting. I failed. And i'll have to bear it with me for the rest of my life. If the rest of those girls get killed because of what i did, their blood is on my hands too.

"Hey, hey, be careful mama. Don't move" Derek's voice fills my ears and i sign in relief that i'm not alone. I carefully and slowly open my eyes to see him, he has a weak smile on his lips and his eyes are filled with worry and relief. I manage to move my hand to grab his that is right by mine, as i smile up to him again. Taking in a deep breath. "Should i get the others?"

"No." i try my voice, only to find it fully there. Was it only a dream that it disappeared? What a nightmare. "Not yet, just... please... give me a minute" he nods understanding. But when he tries to walk out himself, i just continue to hold onto his hand, making him stay. I need to hold his hand, i need to know that this is real. I need to know that i've actually woken up. I look around the room, managing to see out into the hallway as well.