along for the ride

3 ~✧ code blue

three

WILLE FEELS LIKE THE Grinch in that one scene where his heart grows two sizes and you can see it through his chest, except the reason that it's growing two sizes is because of the panic that he can feel coursing through his veins.

"Code blue," it repeats.

Code blue, which one's that one agai-

Oh.

A tear rolls down his cheek as he tries to convince himself - 'it's not Erik, it's not Erik, it's not Erik,' but something in his heart, buried deeply beneath the panic and anxiety, he knows. It's Erik.

Code Blue – Cardiac Arrest.

He'd read that awhile back, scrolling aimlessly through his phone while watching TV with Erik. He's not gonna die. He's just not. He is. He is not.

He flinches when he hears a loud noise buzz from a room nearby him, vibrating the walls. That's what it feels like at least. "Clear!" A male voice shouts, and another buzz erupts into his ears.

It's not Erik.

~

Just as Wilhelm had finally gotten a blink of sleep, a hand grasped onto his shoulder, shaking him awake. He jumps, trying to identify the person who has very rudely interrupted his slumber. "Wilhelm? Wilhelm?" This mystery person says. He groans. "What?" Just as he says it, he realizes who he's talking to.

"Mamma? Pappa? What are you doing here?"

She clears her throat, and sombrely looks down at her shoes, before regaining her queen etiquette and looks him directly in his eyes. It makes him uncomfortable. "What? What's wrong?" Wilhelm can feel it again. The pounding in his chest, his heart growing two sizes larger. "Wilhelm, I..." She starts, voice cracking. Ludvig comes up behind her and rubs her back. This isn't good. He's never seen his parents like this. "Erik, he..." Wilhelm blinks. Nope. Nuh-uh. Where's the button to go home? Where's the rewind button? Where's the delete button, so he can delete himself out of existence before he can learn any more about Erik?

"Erik went into... cardiac arrest. Last night."

Oh.

He's 99% sure that Erik won't be the only one who has gone into cardiac arrest, because he can feel it creeping up on him. His heart has completely switched locations from his chest, to his brain. His head pounds, the pounding in his ears blocking out every noise around him.

"Huh?" Is all he manages.

His mother gives a concerned look to Ludvig.

His brain is thinking so many things at once that he thinks it might just burst, explode and splatter all of the confusion onto the floor for everybody to see.

"It's a lot to process, I know," She says, now rubbing his shoulder. He looks at her hand that is gently stroking the shoulder on his good arm. "What? No, that's not true," Because it isn't. He knows it. It's not true, it never will be.

"Wilhelm..." She makes eye contact with him once again. That's just about his breaking point. He's going to faint. Vomit. Maybe both.

But instead, he looks at the floor. Eyes betraying him, releasing rivers of tears.

"But, he's not dead, is he? He just went into.." He can't say those words. "That doesn't necessarily mean he's dead. Right?" Wilhelm rushes out, voice breaking. Neither of them respond.

"Right?"

When they don't respond, he feels his lungs shrink. Not enough air. Not enough air. Not enough. He thinks that blood has completely stopped travelling throughout his body, because he can't move, and everything is sore. He can feel every time his heart makes a pathetic attempt to gush blood out into his hands, his legs, his arms, his brain. But it doesn't work. He forgets how to breath. He can hear voices around him, growing more panicked by the second. Every time he breaths in, his lungs pause for a millisecond before inhaling again, trying to fill themselves up. But he's tired. He's so tired of breathing. A wave of heat washes over him, and he wants to claw his skin off at the feeling. But in an instant, it's gone. His fingers are numb, but he can feel them tremble as he rests them over his eyes.